You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you. Here are some fairly common and widespread examples of the latter that will drain all your joy and peace of mind, if you let them:
1. Focusing on how life “should” be every step of the way.
Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in control of the way you look at life. Instead of getting angry, find the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action. In place of doubt, have faith. Remember that your response is always more powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.
2. Wanting to control the uncontrollable.
Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head. Truth be told, some of the most powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.
3. Holding tightly to the way things once were.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. You’re always learning and growing, and life is always evolving. Again, even though you can’t control everything that happens, you can control your attitude about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather than allowing it to master you. So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is often bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea or a next step. But first you must accept the fact that things may never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.
4. Refusing to practice self-forgiveness.
Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them. (Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. Endlessly settling for the default settings.
There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never acknowledging the fact that they can customize everything. Don’t be one of them — don’t settle for the default settings on a daily basis. Don’t hide behind indecision or laziness either. And forget popularity! Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right. Pursue it a little bit each day, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
6. Resisting new ideas and lessons.
To make real progress in the long run you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers. So don’t stop learning! Don’t stop investing in yourself. Research. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a real and lasting difference. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal” is a great tool for noticing and keeping track of all your lessons learned.)
7. Constantly seeking fleeting contentment.
There are two variations of contentment in life — fleeting and enduring. The fleeting type is derived from instants of material comfort, while the enduring type is attained through the gradual growth and progress on matters that are truly important to you. At a quick glimpse it might be difficult to decipher one from the other, but as time rolls on it becomes vividly obvious that the latter is far superior. So just remember, if it entertains you now but will hurt or bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kinda want at the moment. Study your routines. Figure out where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus more on what matters in the long run.
8. Always worrying about everyone else’s story.
Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them, that you forget to write your own. Unfold your own tale and bring it to life on a daily basis. You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming. Incredible change happens when you decide to make yourself a priority. And remember, you won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become a daily part of your own support system. This means consuming less and creating more. It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you. It means learning to embrace and use your ideas and instincts to write your passage, one day at a time.
9. Fearing little (necessary) failures.
Sometimes we literally have to fail dozens of times to succeed. And no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. So don’t get so hung up on a few failed attempts that you miss the opening for a hundred more opportunities. All of your ideas that don’t work are simply stepping stones to the one idea that does. And remember, failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up. Always get back up! Oftentimes good things fall apart in the near term so better things can fall together in the end. (Read “Stumbling on Happiness”.)
10. Waiting for the “perfect” moment to take the next step.
Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment. Moments aren’t perfect, they’re what you make of them. So many people wait around for the stars to align to do what they’re here to do. The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect state of being, etc. Wake up! Don’t “wait” away the vast majority of your life! Remind yourself that too many people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. And you don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you will come to succeed not by finding a perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections as stepping stones.
An Exercise for Building Better Habits Starting Today
If you feel a like you’ve wasted too much time and joy on one or more of the points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU.
Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:
- Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?)
- Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?)
- Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?)
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old patterns of living today simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain habits and situations behind for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your joy and make your time count going forward!
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Georges Petrequin
Adil Zareef says
Very sensible advice. And at 78, I feel confident that your points here are spot on! I’m passing them along to my grand kids.
Tony says
What a great way of dealing with Life. Excellent advice. I feel happier after reading this.
Barbara Bowlin says
You would think I would have learned all of this by now but I haven’t. I just turned 80 years old and found many of your points still drain me of joy and peace of mind. Mostly worrying over this or that. And I know worry gets you nowhere. As Padre Pio advises, Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry. I am going to work on this! Thank you!
Dr Arain says
Nice
Myrtle Cas says
This is beautiful sound advice, especially if you don’t have a mother or a husband or a special someone to help you through… It can sometimes get lonely in a world full of8 billion people!! But this helps.
Jocelyn says
Indeed a best article I have read in a long time related to this topic. There is something very refreshing about this one. It’s different from the usual cliché motivators. This feels somehow connecting and relatable. Perhaps it’s the actionable exercises and methods discussed at the end.
Thank you very much for this.
Val says
Agreed. Habit-forming exercise is particularly helpful!
Surin says
Well said….thank u
Melinda Emberley says
Thank you so much I’m going to try some of these techniques and hopefully they will work for me.
jacques fleury says
A masterful little nugget of practical wisdom! I can see myself putting the ideas presented in this article as part of my daily habits. The very brilliantly written first line captured my attention right from the jump:
“You ultimately become what you repeatedly do.” Hence if your daily habits are not resulting in the “you” you want to be, than change your habits! And thanks to this article, I plan to do just that!
Ibrahim Abdallah says
Very informative and precise. Well done ?
Yuki says
I appreciate your article!
Especially, the point that I have mostly resonated is 8. “Always worrying about everyone else’s story.”
Always, I have worried about else’s story. So, I cannot do everything I want to do.
But, since I read your article, it realize for me that the most important thing is my story.
From now, I will live my story.
My English was poor, but I’d like to give you my thanks.
From Japanese student.
Linda says
These are the best set of habits I read in a long time. I esp liked the one “always worrying about someone else’s story” Thats one I am going to nail on my wall. I am awful at that and as of today I am going to try so hard to change that way about myself. The one about not being able to control the uncontrollable knocks hard on me too because sometimes I feel that way. I am doing a mindfullness course for the past few weeks and it is really helping me with mindset and a lot of other things. I can feel the difference happening to me. Just today I had to wait in a long line at a store and I was more relaxed about it than ever before, It works and so do all your tips if we follow them. Thank you so much, I respect you taking time to do up all this information and send it to us.
CalebkinG says
I enjoyed and resonated with each paragraph. Simply stating the truth in a simple way. But the great idea and fascination behind it’s impact is hitting at the heart of that which does affect us on a moment to moment living. And how willingly adjusting ourselves from an internal landscape can effectively change us, improving our lives and of those we get a chance to interact with.
Jake says
It was really helpful. I understood all of your points and you’re right about them. I’m 19 years old, a student. I will remember and apply them throughout my academic sessions.
Thank you 🙂
Roselyn says
Very practical and helpful insights indeed, will definitely put them into practice.
Di says
I took notes, answered the questions, and have a plan. You managed being honest, not judging, giving instructions, and being supportive. Thank YOU. I needed to read this, and I’m grateful you took the time to write.
Luara says
This is the best thing I’ve read in awhile. 100% on point and explained in a way that is easy to understand. Forgiving yourself is the most hardest part for me in life. I’m still not sure why but I’m starting to understand that without forgiving myself I will not move forward on life. Thank you so much for sharing this article. So very helpful!
Laura Hoffart says
I’ve been a reader of your blog for quite some time now and finally decided to purchase one of your books for a dear friend. The problem was deciding which book! So I ended up buying all 4 just now! I hope they enjoy your inspirational messages and lessons as much as I have.
Thank you Marc and Angel!
Susan says
Among the best reads I’ve found online so far in recent times. On point and concise points. Thank you. Several resonated deeply, but number 7 is something I’m working on right now.
Gurnoor kaur says
This essay make me feel that I should focus on present and through this I can change my life in a positive way.
Simba says
Thank you for the essays and emails. I agree with what other here have said in their own way: This is the best self awareness piece I have read anywhere online in a long time. I will re-read this list a few more times to help me improve, thank you.
Che Jackson says
Holding too tightly to the way things were is a message for me and quite a few in my network. I’ve caught myself being the “stay off my lawn” and “the youth of today” grumbler, rather than embracing change and being open to learning new ways and ideas. I’m taking this one to heart!
Eva says
Great points and inclusion of actual steps to help us make progress. Well done with this essay! It’s a keeper.
Ama says
Enjoyed reading this article. It feels genuine and not cliche like other motivational articles or speakers. I felt like it was an honest glimpse into the soul and provided an honest advice on how to live a happier life. Thank you.
Violet Zirnstein says
I am 74 and every Single point made resonates. One reply said “I’ll pass them on to my granchildren” yes I could do that too. BUT if I don’t do them myself, even in my later years, what example do I set. Tomorrow is the start.
Betty says
1, 5, 7, and 10. These are definitely problem areas for me. But I’m glad I clicked on thus article, because I succinctly described my blind spots. Thanks for a great essay!
Anjali says
What a wonderful article. I will definitely apply these on myself and follow good and healthy habits from today onwards. Thank you Angel.
Cynthia Wolchesky says
Excellent, Excellent, Excellent!!!!! I’m 55 and never too late to learn the obvious that we overlook! You both are sooooo awesome and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your articles!! Happy Summer!!
Celeste says
Thank you for this article. It was so helpful and practical. The ideas are easy to remember and are very encouraging too!
Manolo birosel Deang says
It is good to be reminded of these little and simple things in life, that we sometimes forget. Thank you
Enes says
“Just do your thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause, but because it’s what’s right.” This is just great!
Rah says
A few of these are already my tactics to keep myself busy since I tend to overanalyze which is how I find myself doing #1-4, when something bad/ unfortunate happens and I overanalyze the effects/results. However, the two that REALLY slapped me like that tortilla tiktok game, were #7 & #9. When I read, “Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want most for what you kinda want at the moment”. My jaw dropped because that’s exactly what I do when it comes to working, survival tactics to put food on the table. What I know how to do and what Im good at are two very different things and isnt anywhere on my resume. Finding a fulfilling career that brings the stability, joy, and freedom sounds like finding a needle in a haystack, but it’s my ultimate goal now.
Sunshine says
I have been reading a lot of similarly themed articles. This one definitely is more motivating on a refreshing level. My life is about me and my evolution not where I come from, who has what expectations of me but what is best for me in each moment!
Thank you!
Azra S lali says
Very sensible advice. Specially learning to forgive yourself, and not waiting for the right moment. I found the article very relatable.
Jameson says
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Number 4 definitely resignation with me. I have a hard time forgiving myself for decisions/choice I’ve made, or lack there of, that’s effected not just me, but also the ones I love the most. It’s a process that I’m taking baby steps towards, but haven’t fully arrived at yet.
Suman says
Very good suggestions. I find these helpful in day to day life and resonate with many of them.
Sharon Anderson says
I’m 75 and still working because my SS does not cover all my expenses. I have had some heath challenges that make me question my ability to push forward. I appreciate this message so much and will use the pointers to inspire me forward! Thank you,
Sharon
Los Angeles
Tuhina says
Beautifully articulated ! Thanks a ton for these all-imperative perspectives.
God Bless You !!
Dane Jorento says
I’ve developed habits to focus reflectively and mindful of how I spend my life energy and time every day. As a result, I love and embrace my life. No matter what happens, good or bad, I seek out ways to find joy and create happiness. Emotions are always fully embraced. Life is awesome. I really appreciate your wonderful insightful article, especially the reminder that everyone has their own life to live. We are not the karma police or judge. Thank you so much.
Jereh says
Great read! Moved by the “it’s how you react to circumstances that’s more powerful than the circumstances themselves”.
Done a lot of retrospection from this.
Dunna says
It is very important to write things down that you want to clarify in your mind so you can learn and improve long term. We are all more capable than we think. It was a nice essay by 2 Angels trying to help foster healthy practices.
Sharon Simon says
It has very good points. Paragraphs 4, 5, 7, an 9 flipped the light on in my 65 yr old cobweb head. Thank you for refreshing my mind. An putting me on track.
…. Respectfully, Sharon Simon
Mary O' says
I worry all of the time and it gets me no where. Always about things that never happen. Will definitely take a lot of the advice you have given. Thanks so much.
Shree says
Very helpful, thank you
Eshara says
I absolutely loved it and noted down the questions that i should ask myself so i could journal. The three points that resonated within me mostly were 1. Settling for default settings 2. Waiting for the perfect moment 3. Fleeting contentment. Those really made me take a step back and think. This will make a much needed difference in my life and i am thankful.
INNOCENTIA says
YOU BOTH ARE JUST SIMPLY AMAZINGLY INSPIRATIONAL. AM ADDICTED TO READING YOUR ARTICLES!