“There’s a vivid, beautiful, priceless piece of art hanging right in front of you. It’s sophisticated and detailed – a painstaking labor of deep devotion and love. The colors and textures are like no other – they soar and dip, they shine bright and leap right out at you! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the tiny, dark housefly that has landed on the edge this masterpiece. Why would you choose to do such a thing?”
She cracked a half smile in my direction and then shifted her gaze down to the ground.
“Look,” I said, “the point here is that there’s no possible way to be 100% certain about anything in this world. Life, like good art, is sophisticated, complex and unpredictable. So you’re left with a choice: either appreciate it and look for the beauty in it, or focus on the worst and dwell on it.”
But if you expect the worst, you’re never disappointed,” she said under her breath.
“Yeah, but who really lives like that?” I replied. “No one – that’s who! People die slowly every day like that, without ever truly living!”
That’s the gist of a Zoom conversation I had recently with a new course student, who also attended our most recent Think Better, Live Better seminar (I’m sharing this with her full permission). She literally started the conversation by telling me that expecting negative things to happen is her way of coping with life’s challenges. If you can relate in any way at all, it’s time to revamp your mindset.
And make no misunderstanding about it, when you are feeling down in the dumps, the battle you are going through isn’t fueled by the words or actions of others, and it isn’t fueled by what did or didn’t happen in the past either. It’s fueled entirely by your mind that gives negativity a voice.
Believing in negative thoughts and acting on them is the single greatest barrier to living a good life.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the fiercest and most ruthless conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you feared were going to happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations always get the best of you. It’s where you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again.
And if you allow these self-defeating thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, productivity, meaning, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into endless disappointment, heartache, and even depression.
Bottom line: You are what you think! And you can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking.
But are you ready for the silver lining?
YOU CAN change the way you think.
And if you can change the way you think, you can master a new way to be.
In the video clip below, recorded live at our annual Think Better, Live Better seminar, we share five powerful strategies that will adjust your mindset and ultimately allow you to live a better life.
5 Smart Ways to Master Your Mindset
Note: If you’d like attend next year’s Think Better, Live Better seminar in Orlando, you can get info and tickets for Think Better, Live Better 2022 here.
Think Better, Live Better!
All details aside, an effective mindset is one that makes the best use of all your available resources – your time, energy, opportunities, etc. – and uses them to support growth and positive change. It’s not about trying to do everything and be everything. And it’s not about living a perfect life. It’s about being present, being accepting, and making the very best of what’s in front of you.
Your mindset is the keystone and bedrock for everything that happens in your life. As you work to adjust your mindset, here’s what you can expect from striking the right balance:
- A strong sense of purpose, confidence, and faith
- Consistent motivation, drive and commitment to meaningful pursuits
- Clear, objective insight into current obstacles and opportunities
- A feeling of peace and contentment from making consistent daily progress
I hope all that sounds like something worth working on. Because it truly is.
And Marc and I are here to help, online via our course and in person via our seminar, when you need us. 🙂
Your turn…
What kinds of negative, self-defeating thoughts sometimes dwell in your mind?
What small changes would you like to make to your mindset?
Leave a comment below and share a piece of your story with us.
And finally, please be sure to check out Think Better, Live Better 2022. It’s taking place Orlando, and it’s going to be a fun, life-changing experience. You can get info and tickets here, and note that discounted early bird tickets are presently available (while they last).
Debbie says
Love the video and the post that supports it.
The change I need to make to my mindset is letting go of the idea that I should be more successful in my family’s eyes than I am. Living up to their unreasonable expectations drives me mad far too often.
Anyway, just got my ticket to your 2017 seminar and I’m sincerely looking forward to it. Your course and coaching have already been invaluable resources in my life, so I know this live event will be too. 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
Looking forward to seeing you in February, Debbie.
Christian says
Excellent video clips! Looks like a great seminar to attend. I’m going to try to coordinate with my wife’s business travel schedule and see if we can attend your next one in February. It’ll be a great time of the year to get out of the New England snow and get down to South Florida for some fun and learning.
Anyhow, to answer your question, Angel and Marc, the negative thought that dwells in my mind most often is the fact that I’m not good enough. It permeates though many aspects of my life — at work, in my personal relationships, etc. It’s something I’m working on slowly, and I have had some recent success with taming it. Obviously, it’s also a big part of why your writings and teachings have been so profoundly helpful.
mp says
Dear Christian – I share many of your ‘issues’ also……I am totally a negative thinker. Not good enough, never will be, nothing will ever change, why bother??? I live a miserable life and know it is from my ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ . . . I just cant seem to believe in myself. Although I read marc and angel – I don’t ever feel like their solutions can help me. Basically, I can only help myself, I just don’t believe I can do it. Good luck to you!
Valencia Ray, MD says
I just love that analogy Angel used with the orange! Struck right to the core of my negative thinking tendencies.
Also, the part about working just to retire is so sadly true in our society.
Thanks again for popping a new post into my inbox at just the right time. And like the others have mentioned, I’m going to look into attending your Think Better event if I can swing it.
Nami says
Love the post and video, every day I’m learning new things from you. Thanks.
Mike Allison says
Marc and Angel,
I really related to Courtney Carver as my wife and I own almost nothing.
No house – we rent a fully equipped apartment here in Frankfurt. And I mean fully equipped – even the bedding belongs to the owner.
No vehicle – public transportation in Europe is fantastic.
I own 2 guitars, our laptops and a printer.
When we moved from China, where we lived and worked for 13 years, to Germany, everything we owned was brought here in 4 suitcases and 8 small boxes.
And….
Every 3 months or so we go through the closets and get rid of anything that we don’t wear regularly.
When you get rid of things that do not matter in your life you have an incredible sense of freedom that can’t be explained until you experience it.
We’ve lived in the Caribbean, Taiwan, Mainland China and now Europe. We’re both from Canada and have lived simple for our entire married life of 28+ years.
Simplifying, for us, has been a great way to enjoy life to the fullest.
Marg says
Wow!!
Way to go Mr. and Mrs. Mike Alison!!
I am very happy in my stationery home and city but so agree with the whole simplify thinking.
Being content where I am has allowed me to collect a LOT of unnecessary clutter!
It does affect our mindset!
So….although I am very happy in my little corner of the world I am taking inspiration from Marc and Angel and Mike and Mrs. A. 🙂
God bless you all!!
Marg
Brandon MB Canada! ?
PS
I am one of those blessed people who has been in a career for 32 years and I still don’t feel like I’ve ‘worked’!!
Marc Chernoff says
Mike, I love your story. Thank you for sharing it with us. 🙂
Eddie says
I often struggle with my confidence as a leader and feel that I am failing in that role. It would be such a relief to wake up each day and be confident that my efforts were paying off and that people respected my leadership.
Dede says
Dede,
I once woke up every day thinking about my relationships and how I feel I have been victimized by my friends because of my overly kind heart.
But making a ritual of reading Marc and Angel’s emails and articles have helped me to start redefining my relationships and putting in place positive boundaries so I don’t become a victim in my relationships again.
Now… I am working on myself so I can earn the respect and love of my friends, and not their sympathy.
Nikki says
I completely know the feeling of feeling victimized. I have a boss who thrives off putting me down and picking my work apart. I try to think of it as her way of teaching me however, by Friday the negative comments get to me and months of this really has zapped my energy and confidence. I don’t sleep much on Sunday night’s stressed about coming to work on Monday.
Reading this article and hearing the video is exactly what I need right now. I have the power to change things, not her actions, but mine.
Thank you Marc and Angel. I look forward to your daily articles, they are very uplifting and inspiring.
Confession: I print a majority of your articles and tape them to my frig, bedroom and bathroom mirror. 🙂
Nate says
Awesome and interesting article and video! I do receive your inspiring and motivational emails which I always make time to read. They definitely boost the sanity in my hectic life.
Thanks for sharing. I’m sure it helps many people like myself.
Regards,
Nate
Andrea says
I love your emails! I am starting a new chapter in my life right now at 49 years old. It’s scary and I tend to worry constantly about whether or not I’m making the right decision. I’m leaving my husband of 24 years, starting a new job in a city 300 miles away from the town I grew up in and also leaving a good man I met at work in my old job who I fell in love with. Sounds crazy but I feel I am doing what is best for me right now. I need to do this for whatever reason I don’t know why. It’s like a new beginning I guess. My husband was abusive, controlling and mean to me and my kids, my old job was mentally and physically exhausting with no opportunity for advancement. The new man in my life is great but I want to start focusing on me and my self worth and self esteem. Your articles help me tremendously! I save them and I send them to my kids. I envy the relationship you 2 have with each other! You both are really blessed and I’m happy for you!
Sulange says
Wow Andrea! I know I have no clue who you are but am feeling similar to you. I too am 49 and feel as though I have no purpose and lack of self worth. I admire your courage in making such a huge change in your life…I wish you well. Sending you all good positive thoughts for much success to come for you.
S.
Golda Getz says
Thank you for translating this expression, in to English that all can relate to: Tracht Gut vet zine gut….from Yiddish. It has been a signpost throughout history among Jews. We need to keep it fresh in our minds AND hearts, as you are doing! Yosher Koach!
Jean says
Great video! Great tips! I thank you so much for your kindness and generosity in sharing this information. You two educate and inspire constantly – in every article I read of yours. The information you’re sharing works if people apply it. It takes practice every day. Over and over again before it becomes a habit. Healthier individuals make for healthier families and healthier schools and work places which ultimately create a healthier society. Thank YOU!
Tunji says
I am from Africa. Nigeria to be precise and I have been reading this site and it’s emails for 3 years. This site gives me hope and direction. Keep up the good work. The greatest achievement in life is changing life in a positive way. I know you have changed a lot of lives and you will still change more. Thanks Marc and Angel.
Marc says
I try and look at the beauty in life overall. And I know I have to stay positive, but where is the positive when your wife and best friend of over 20 years decide to sneak behind my back and in front and everywhere else in between to have their tryst? And sure she ended it, but where does that leave me? No, so called friend (he was like a brother to me), childhood full of memories with him ruined, the last year of my life a lie (since she was with him for all that time)…
Evelyn Paoletti says
That Orange in your hand and the way you explained it, hit me smack on. I was always very loving, giving, happy and trusting.
One day I noticed I wasn’t so happy anymore, I was much more cautious with my love, trust and giving. I had been hurt once too often, been lied to once too often, I had been betrayed by family and “friends” once to often, so I must have started closing off my heart to protect myself from further pain, grief and anguish.
I couldn’t take anymore so I shut myself down little by little.
I get angry a lot and over sometimes small things.
I guess subconsciously I worry it’s gonna hurt again.
A few weeks ago I got really angry with my husband and son over their negative talk, so I went for a walk in the dark of night, I tripped over something and broke my leg. My leg is in a cast now, While I was waiting for X-rays I had time to think. My thoughts were “I have Anger Issues and I need to talk to someone about ME”
When I listened to you explain about that Orange – I knew it was me. I had somehow allowed myself to be filled with anger and resentment, and it had replaced my gentle and loving, caring nature. Thank you Angel for helping me. That’s great Therapy.
Thanks.
I can’t make it to your seminar for various reasons.
I live in Winnipeg, Manitoba and Old Man Winter is knocking on our doors here. I save your messages to a special file to share with others who may need some advice.
Vicky says
Light into my heart and life, every day. I thank you for that, there are no words.
Pam says
I clearly need to change my negative mindset. I desperately need to! My marriage of 23 years just ended. I’ve lost friendships. I am negative and unmotivated about my job. Every single day and almost every moment in it…I struggle. While reading your steps and strategies to do so, I get motivated. However, my mind starts telling me I can’t live a happy, peaceful life. That these strategies are for others, people better than I, and that they just need to adjust their thinking because the core of who they are is good. My thoughts tell me, the core of who I am, isn’t good. I’m broken and the person I am is so flawed, there’s no way I can ever find joy. I resist trying because I convince myself, if I take the necessary steps and apply these strategies daily, it won’t work on me and I’ll end up even more hopeless.
BUT…I KNOW I have to battle those thoughts or eventually, I will lose everyone and everything I love. Today I will begin and take the necessary steps…I have a glimmer of hope. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Cindy Thomas says
Wonderful article. I’ve been going through stressful times, and I just realized I’ve been doing almost all of these habits on a daily basis. Thanks for clearing stuff up. Good day to you !
Mark Edin says
Wow, this is an inspiring article. Thanks for sharing.
Sarah Williams says
Awesome and interesting article and video! I do receive your inspiring and motivational emails which I always make time to read. They definitely boost the sanity in my hectic life.
Thanks for sharing. I’m sure it helps many people like myself.
Regards,
Sarah