Comments on: 7 “Before the Wedding” Steps that Initiate a Successful Marriage

By: Joan Adams

Joan Adams — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 11:30:36 +0000

We are in our 51st year of marriage and very thankful indeed! No, we did not live together before marriage. The big surprise to me is that none of you have mentioned the importance of laughter. I am so very thankful I married a fellow who knows how to enjoy life every day, no matter what!

By: Jenelle

Jenelle — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 05:04:51 +0000

The article that includes “statistics” on higher divorce rates among couples who lived together before marriage has been misinterpreted for many years. In the study the divorce rates were higher among couples who moved in together out of convenience as opposed to lower divorce rates among couples who chose to live together with the intention of getting married in the future. The importance of intention cannot be overlooked. I am very happy with my decision to move in with my boyfriend two years ago and we are getting married this October!

By: Ren

Ren — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 01:10:44 +0000

I always thought that the reason couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate is because of the “want-it-now/get-it-now” factor. By not waiting, there can be an immaturity going into marriage as far as patience goes. Learning to wait is a great character builder, and if, down the road, one of the partners feels like they are “not getting what they want”, may they be more likely to bail out?

By: Christine

Christine — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 19:18:40 +0000

Regarding the statistic about living together and divorce: it’s important to keep in mind that correlation is not causation. Couples who make a conscious decision to live together for a trial period before marriage, with a goal to end up together, are more likely to understand what life together really means. Many sociologists have theorized that the divorce correlation has more to do with live-in couples getting married for the wrong reasons, such as to avoid the hassle of finding independent places to live and take on extra costs once alleviated by a partner, etc.

By: Taylor

Taylor — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 10:57:09 +0000

Sarina and Kate, I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents when I was 18, and he was 19. Less than three months later we were engaged. I lived with him for close to a year and half, prior to us each moving to different states for schooling (though I’m moving out to where he is in July), and I agree with number 1 a lot.

By living with him it made our relationship stronger, and we each got to learn more about one another. Sure, I found things that annoyed me a tad, and I’m sure I do things that bother him too, but we work(ed) through them. That’s what loving someone is all about: loving them for all that they are, annoying quirks and all. If you truly love them and want to be with them, you’ll find a way to work through your differences.

The divorce rates are scary, and I feel that living together prior to marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that couple will get divorced. Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Couples who did live together and divorced probably didn’t speak up about issues when they first arose, kept them bottled up inside until they couldn’t take it anymore, and bam, divorce. In today’s world communication, though we have things like Facebook and texting, is deteriorating. People don’t know how to talk to people face to face, and it’s destroying relationships. If you want a successful marriage, be open and honest, talk about your problems and work through them together, or you won’t be happy.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 15:58:03 +0000

SK, I completely agree. It’s tough being a Christian and explaining to your parents & friends why you think it’s a good idea to live together before marriage. I think it’s necessary to experience that part of someone before getting married. I moved in with an ex prior to this experience and I’m glad that I did it. Otherwise, I’d be married to a complete slob with no respect for himself.

Statistics can never be completely solid. There are always unseen factors that contribute to the statistic…

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:44:44 +0000

Sarina – thank you for posting this. I saw step 1 and was going to write about the correlation of living together before marriage and divorce rates and you beat me to it 😉

By: Sarina

Sarina — Wed, 06 May 2009 01:39:38 +0000

I have to say that I disagree with step 1. I’m studying sociology, so I often find myself learning all the statistics about marriage and divorce rates. Living with someone before marriage is a BIG red flag that has a very positive coorelation with divorce rates. Couples who live together before marriage have a much higher chance of divorcing.

My fiance and I spend loads of time together, cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking naps, having sleepovers… but I still live in my own apartment two buildings over. The numbers don’t lie!!!

:+)

(We’re also working on paying off the remaining credit card debt we have before the wedding… this is a very good idea!!)

By: SK

SK — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:46:04 +0000

very good post – my future husband and I are getting married in April and have been living together for over a year now … coming from a Christian background, many of our friends raised their eyebrows and pronounced we were doomed for divorce, but living together has been the best thing we could have done. Not every day is perfect, but it has taught us a lot about each other. And we’ve been friends for 10 years – so that’s saying something.

By: 7 “Before the Wedding” Steps that Initiate a Successful Marriage - William Bay Photography

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:05:24 +0000

[…] was doing some blog surfing this morning and found this great article on 7 “Before the Wedding” Steps that Initiate a Successful Marriage. It is, for the most part, a very logical look at the “when”, “how” and even […]

By: Aryan

Aryan — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:31:42 +0000

Nice Post MARC Keep It Up
Thanks 🙂

By: Marc

Marc — Fri, 02 May 2008 12:33:19 +0000

@Elly:
It sounds like people in your country need to spend a great deal of time evaluating their mate’s habits ahead of time. Since you can’t live with them, you may even need to do a little snooping into their living space. I’m glad to hear everything worked out for you.

By: Elly

Elly — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 09:40:17 +0000

Unfortuantely living together before marriage is not allowed in my country, but I agree that it’s the most important factor. When you are not able to live with a person before marriage your choice has the chances of lottery, either you lose or you win. I was lucky by the way. The worst thing is that in countries like mine one has to leave to a chance something you can keep under your control in this particular case

By: Debt Free Hispanic

Debt Free Hispanic — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:15:40 +0000

The hardest thing that my wife and I had ever had to do was the most rewarding. We paid off our debts or should I say my debts. We worked hard and didn’t keep up with the Jones’s, still don’t even though we live next door to them, but when we sent the last check to VISA…we hugged each other and had a triumphant dinner, and paid cash.

By: Marc

Marc — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:33:48 +0000

@Jazz:
You are right. Advice in life is always easier said than done. The key is to be fully aware of the challenges ahead, prepare, and then work through them. Relationships are tricky at times. Just make sure you are being open and honest with your significant other. Communication is essential for a successful relationship.

By: Jazz

Jazz — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 07:23:47 +0000

Today morning I became so depressed after having a fight with my hubby. That’s why I am putting a comment over here just to get rid of my tension by sharing some thoughts. The above information or the information given in another article can be beneficial, but we can make our marriage successful only if we are able to apply these tips practically. It’s easy to give advice or receive advice, yet sometimes very difficult to apply it.

By: Carnival of Family Life: St. Patrick’s Day Edition | Colloquium

Carnival of Family Life: St. Patrick’s Day Edition | Colloquium — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 07:05:09 +0000

[…] and Angel present Seven “Before the Wedding” Steps That Initiate a Successful Marriage published at Marc and Angel, inviting readers pondering or planning marriage to consider their […]

By: JHS

JHS — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:21:51 +0000

Thanks for participating in this week's Carnival of Family Life: St. Patrick's Day Edition at Colloquium!

By: Marc

Marc — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 12:32:10 +0000

Tim, thanks for the insightful addition. Nothing could be closer to the truth. Hopefully there is adequate time before the wedding to bond with your in-laws. If not, a common understanding needs to be established with your spouse.

By: Tim

Tim — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 07:24:16 +0000

Can I add one more piece of advice? This comes from someone who has been married nine years this July. Figure out where you stand on what role the in-laws will play. Whether you think so or not, you are marrying his/her family as well. And you need to think about how much you like them or not, how often you want them to call or come over, and what kind of say they will have in your marriage or child-rearing duties. And if they are the nosy or interfering type, do you have a commitment from your spouse that they will stand up to them and make them back off? I lucked out with my in-laws. Other people I know, not so much. :-/