Take a deep breath. Nothing is as hectic as it seems. Nothing is worth weakening your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety and despair.
The mind can go either direction under stress – toward the positive or toward the negative: on or off. Think of it as a binary spectrum, where the opposite ends are unconsciousness at the negative end and presence at the positive end. The way the mind will lean under stress is strongly influenced by emotional strength and training.
Over the years, Marc and I have come across, studied and tested dozens of strategies that successful people employ when faced with stress, but in today’s video blog we want to tell you about six of the most effective strategies we’ve seen in action. A couple of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them, and having the discipline to actually do so in spite of your stress. Let’s take a look…
Video Blog Post:
Stress-Reducing Rituals (video transcript overview):
The ability to manage stress when you’re under pressure directly affects your overall performance in all walks of life. In fact, several scientific studies over the years have found that successful people, in various fields of study, are highly skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.
There’s actually new research out of Cal Berkeley that reveals an upside to experiencing momentary stress, and then reinforces how important it is to keep long-term stress under control. The recent study found that the onset of stress challenges the brain into growing new cells responsible for improved memory and cognitive ability. However, this effect is only seen when stress is temporary. As soon as the stress continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged state, it actually interferes with the brain’s ability to function and grow new cells. Kind of scary, isn’t it?
And there’s more to the story too. Besides decreasing your brain cells and intellectual performance, stress also increases your risk of heart disease and depression. Fortunately, though, unless a grizzly bear is chasing you, the bulk of your stress is unnecessary and under your control. Successful people have well-honed coping strategies that they employ in stressful situations. This lowers their stress levels regardless of what’s happening in their environment, ensuring that the stress they experience is temporary and not prolonged.
Again, Marc and I have relentlessly studied and tested dozens of strategies that we’ve witnessed successful people use when faced with stress. Here are the stress-reducing rituals the most successful people we know live by:
1. Successful people monitor and suppress their negative self-talk.
A big step in managing stress involves stopping negative self-talk dead in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power they have over you. And most of our negative thoughts are just that – thoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the pessimistic things your subconscious mind says, stop and take a deep breath. Then ask yourself: “Are these negative thoughts true? Are they facts?” Once you’ve taken a few moments to slow down the momentum of your negative thinking, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating the reality of the situation.
2. Successful people refocus on the positive.
Sometimes you have to give your wandering mind a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention. When things are going well, and you’re in a good mood, this is fairly easy. When times are tough, however, and your mind is flooded with negativity, this can be a real challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can’t think of something from today, reflect on the previous day or even another recent time.
The point here is to have something positive, no matter how small, that you’re ready to shift your attention to when negativity starts stirring in your mind. Even if you have to look a little harder than usual, it still exists. (Read The Happiness Advantage.)
3. Successful people avoid “should have” and “what if” statements.
These statements just fuel the fire of needless stress and worry. In life, things can go in a billion different directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the missed opportunities (should haves) and negative possibilities (what ifs), the less time you’ll spend focusing on taking positive action that will calm you down and move you forward. Successful people know that “should haves” and “what ifs” will only take them to an emotional state of mind they don’t want – or need – to be in. (Marc and I cover this in detail in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
4. Successful people reach out to their supporters when they need them.
It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to do everything yourself. To reduce stress and increase productivity, you need to recognize your weaknesses and ask for help, advice, or just a listening ear when you need it. Something as simple as talking about your worries will help you overcome them. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they’re not as emotionally invested in your unique situation.
So remember, everyone has someone who is on their side, cheering for them, and ready to help them figure out a difficult life situation if and when it arises. Identify who this person (or people) is in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it most.
5. Successful people practice mindful relaxation techniques.
They know mindful relaxation is the key to mental and physical recuperation. There are many ways to do this, but the foundation of all of them is focused breathing (a form of meditation). Your breath is the bridge between your life circumstances and your consciousness – it unites your body and your thoughts. So when you’re feeling stressed, take a ten-minute break to sit quietly and focus on your breathing. Close the door, put away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair with your eyes closed and breathe.
The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on the feeling of your chest inhaling and exhaling, which will prevent your worried mind from wandering and overthinking. This sounds simple, but it’s challenging to do for more than a minute or two, especially when you’re just starting out with this ritual. And it’s perfectly fine if random thoughts sidetrack you – this is sure to happen, you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing.
Bottom line: Whenever your thoughts become scattered with the worries and stress of busyness, use your breath as a means to take hold of your mind. Just breathe, and be present for a moment; you’ll feel better.
6. Successful people sincerely appreciate what they have.
Taking time every day to think about what you’re thankful for isn’t merely the “right” thing to do, it also helps you feel more relaxed and content, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by over 20%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis found that people who worked daily to openly express their appreciation and gratitude experienced improved moods, energy levels, and physical health, even during bouts of stress. It’s highly likely that their lower cortisol levels played a major role in this. (Marc and I discuss this in detail in the “Happiness” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
Your turn…
So there you have it, six stress-reducing rituals we’ve seen work wonders in the lives of some of the most successful people we’ve interacted with over the years. If you feel like your life has been too stressful lately, it’s time to follow in their footsteps.
Today we challenge you to apply one of these stress-reducing rituals to your routine. Please leave us a comment below and let us know which ritual you want to implement in your life, AND one small step you can take TODAY to get started.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Amandah says
Love the video!
A combination of your first three points is what has worked wonders for me. Honestly when life gets overly stressful I remind myself of this quote from one of your past emails:
“Good things don’t come easy.” – remembering this helps me persevere.
I was nearly 40 when I finally understood that anything worth doing is worth working hard for. Now, I’m trying to help my 17-year-old figure it out, but I don’t know exactly how. She often quits if she doesn’t get it right on the first shot. I hope it’s related to her age, but I don’t know for sure. Still making little bits of progress. Either way, I appreciate your blog, emails, book and course. All four are helped me reduce stress as my daughter and I move forward with our lives, gradually.
Angel Chernoff says
Amandah, thank you again for the continued kindness and support. I’m truly grateful that we’re able to assist you and your daughter in some small way.
And cheers to pushing forward when the going gets tough!
Christian says
I always enjoy your articles, emails and occasional videos, but this particular video blog has been especially helpful. It’s exactly what I needed to see today!
I’ll agree with Amandah too – the #1 and #2 have been life-savers for me over the recent past. Lately there’s been a lot of drama and uncertainty in my life, and it’s really tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when it always feels like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s really hard to push forward when you’re stressed out, but I am.
And right now it’s time for one of those mindful relaxation techniques – a little mindfulness meditation works wonders for me too.
Angel Chernoff says
I agree, Christian. Meditation does work wonders. Marc and I have been practicing a form of mindfulness based stress reduction meditation every morning for several years and we’ve seen incredible results in our lives from doing so.
Dj says
I found a really helpful mindful breathing technique a few months ago which I utilise at some point most days. It’s quick, unobtrusive and effective. Just remember 4 7 8. Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of 4 (belly breathing). Hold for a count of 7. Breathe out through your mouth for a count of 8. Works wonders! Try it any time, any place, any where. No one needs to know! Also helpful at bedtime to relax and sleep well.
Angel Chernoff says
Thank you for sharing this, Dj. Marc and I have practiced a similar mindfulness based breathing technique, just with a different interval, but I will give yours a try too. Breathing techniques like this are excellent stress reducers when life gets super busy and you’ve only got a couple minutes to yourself.
Jeanette says
I agree this technique works really well. I think Dr. Weil actually did an article on it a few months ago, stating that it is medically proven to relax and calm.
Beth says
I appreciate your helpful research and tips on how to relieve stress. I have suffered through various stress and anxiety issues for the last fifteen years with only varying levels of success. Bouts of depression have also been frequently added into the mix. Your teachings and coaching alike have been more helpful than many of the alternatives I have tried. Thank you.
Oh, and #3 is something I’m working on, starting now.
Angel Chernoff says
I’m inspired to know that we’ve been able to assist you with easing some of your stress and anxiety, Beth. Stay strong, and let us know how else we can help.
Brandon Villano says
Great video! It is so important to keep our stress levels under control. We often forget that chronic stress is much more than just discomfort. It’s detrimental to our long term health.
You mentioned that it can affect your brain’s ability to function. I agree, that is definitely scary!!! The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for our highest order cognitive abilities, is also the brain region most sensitive to stress. The more we let our stress get out of control, the higher our chances of diminishing our prefrontal cognitive abilities.
So it’s always good to be reminded of ways to reduce some stress. I need to work on #4 a little harder. I’m one of those guys who wants to do it all by himself. Gotta’ get over that 🙂 Mindful relaxation, however, has been an absolute game changer in my life when it came to dealing with my anxiety issues. Everyone should be doing it!
Thanks for the video 🙂
Gelly says
Thank you for sharing your tips. I would first start with the breathing technique. Inhale, exhale…. And always be thankful for everything….
Emily says
Fantastic video! These are such solid strategies.
Caren says
I have some long term stress going on right now and this video is so helpful. I practice mindfulness meditation which is really helpful but I tend to worry and try to handle everything on my own and keep things inside. Your step # 4 I must do more often! I called a friend the other night and just talked everything through and now I know she’s there for me and I can count on talking to her. That works wonders. I need to practice that more. Will keep these steps handy to refer to.
Mike says
I would also add that sometimes “I should have” is a good thing to say. While you can’t spend your life beating yourself up, you have to be able to acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them. It beats making the same mistake again ! It can, in fact, be positive if you learn from a mistake and move on a more enlightened person.
Georgia Gietzen says
Stumbling onto your blog over a year ago has been a true blessing. For that I am grateful. I struggle (in my late 50’s) with “monkey mind” and have developed coping mechanisms utilizing most of what you are suggesting. They work. I just started my 6th gratitude journal (which has now morphed into a “journal/diary” where I focus on my emotions and feelings) and looked back where I started this practice in 2009!!
My daughter is 26 and has struggled most of her life with low self esteem, having been bullied in high school and struggling with social relationships. She’s a beautiful girl inside and out, but she is her own worst enemy. And she operates in a high level of stress. She continues to grow emotionally and socially, and is making good headway in “finding herself”. I pass so many of your posts on to her and bought her your book for Christmas. This post I know, along with video transcript will be another very helpful post for her. And a good reminder for myself. I’m hoping she’ll start a gratitude journal as I did . . . there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for . . . even if it’s a beautiful sunset, a quiet moment, a friendly smile.
Cheryl says
I have used all these techniques at one time or another, but an additional one a former supervisor use to say ” this won’t matter 5 years from now”. By looking into the future, you realize you are blowing the issue out of proportion now and it helps to put it in perspective and deal with the issue more calmly. Thanks for all that you both do to keep us all heathy mentally and emotionally!
Nora says
Good Morning, I have a gratitude journal at home and am renewing my daily goal to write 3 things I’m grateful for … on a daily basis. This helps me reduce stress. 🙂
Katherine says
Thank you so much!! I send this thought your way every time I open one of your invariably helpful emails.
Today I am doing # 6. Feeling a lot of stressful events coming together just now but I’m going to remember to take things one step at a time, as planned, and remain grounded by going for a run and thinking of the many positive things in my life for which I am grateful.
Thank you again– ever so helpful but never preachy. ??
Faraja Augustino says
Thanks so much… Worth sharing.
Carol says
Marc and Angel, I love you ! ! !
Breathing. Some people say it is something our bodies do without thinking. Yes, until you cannot breathe any more ! ! ! Then one becomes very aware of the action or lack of it :-/ Been there. Someone told me a little trick to use when stressed out and positive thinking is difficult [ that prefrontal thing . .] It is easy to remember to just “smell the roses” [ breathe in slowly and deeply through the nose] and “blow out the candles” [exhale deeply through the mouth] ! ! !
Smell the roses, blow out the candles ! ! !
It works for me every time . . I don’t have to remember numbers, just the enjoyment of smelling beautiful, fragrant roses and the happiness that comes from blowing out candles on a cake during a celebration with dear friends. . . both very comforting mental pictures that help the process also.
If I could remember who told me that little trick I would give them a great big hug. They have saved me on many occasions ! ! ! Yep ! Smell the roses, blow out the candles.
Marc Chernoff says
I love it, Carol! Thank you for sharing this with us.
Georgette Jones says
Marc and Angel –
I so appreciate your posts and announcements. They continue to get me through the rough patches. A friend turned me on to your site. I am grateful- Thank you very- very much for all that you do!
Jessica Sweet says
Great tips and love that they’re backed by research, but the best thing about the video is the outtake at the end. I think it makes us all take ourselves a little less seriously. If you guys can be successful and aren’t perfect, then we don’t have to be either. Thanks for including your human side too! 🙂
Jolanda Forest says
Thank you, it is nice to see you and listen to simple advice that everybody can use, not only successful people… all people . I like that.
Nelu Mbingu says
I struggle a lot with number three. Whenever I’m chasing a goal and I fail to do what I need to do for one day, I feel like I might as well give up completely. I need to work on that.
Great article! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
Angel and I just sat down and read all your comments. Thank you for the positive feedback, everyone. Glad you enjoyed this video blog 🙂
Thea says
Really love the video! 🙂
I always focus and the positive and avoid the “should haves” and “what ifs.” It has always been my ritual since I started college and until now it still works for me since there are some negativity surrounding me everyday at home.
Melanie says
I love the video blog – how nice to actually see you guys – and the out take made me giggle too.
I love receiving your emails – they always inspire me and make me refocus on what is important. I also once had a personal reply from Angel – you two are a delight! Thank you for the inspiration I look forward to my weekly does of Marc and Angel.
p.s have recently started meditation via a guided app and like you say it is hard but it is definitely worth it.
Debra says
Dear Marc and Angel. Thank you, once again for your insightful post. I need to work on my “should have” and “what if” distractions. But I am motivated to overcome these useless influences. I am a devoted to thanksgiving and gratitude and will incorporate Dj’s suggestion of 4 7 8 method for quick meditation.
B. Johanna Andersen says
Dear Marc and Angel,
I just watched your video. My life is very stressful – out of work again after years of trying to find a good job. I will try reading again tonight, my usual way to calm myself but I wake up worrying at least 3 or 4 times each night – has been like this for at least a month. Plus pain that I wonder if it is activated by my worrying.
BJA
Steve Cunningham says
Great post guys!
The first point really hits home for me. You’ll never see very successful people who lack confidence, even when things are not going their way.
Quick question – do you guys ever struggle with this? And if so, what’s your strategy for overcoming it?