Life doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.
One of the best strategies to being emotionally stronger is to give ourselves the love and care we catch ourselves dreaming about receiving from others. I know this, because I learned this lesson the hard way.
There was a point in my life when I felt lousy about my appearance – I was insecure to say the least – and I saw myself as too flabby, too weak, too this, and too that. Yet I fantasized about other people seeing me as an extraordinary individual worthy of being loved and cared for as I am.
It’s a bit silly, isn’t it, that I would dream of others offering me the emotional support I was directly withholding from myself? When I realized this, I made a change.
This was a turning point in my life when the age-old saying “You cannot truly love anyone if you are unable to love yourself first” suddenly made vivid sense to me. And I also flipped it around on myself too: “Do not expect to receive any specific kind of love and care from someone else that you do not first give to yourself.”
But a question remained in my mind: How?
How can I begin to love and care for myself more? How can I gradually and consistently build more self-love and self-care into my life?
After lots of trial and error, and guidance from those wiser than me, I began two powerful rituals that gradually changed everything…
In the video clip below, recorded live at our first annual “Think Better, Live Better” conference, Marc and I tell personal stories about the life-changing effects of our unique positive affirmations and gratitude journaling rituals. Honestly, whenever someone mentions the fact that we’ve turned some pretty big lemons into lemonade over the years, we always point to these two rituals as the keys to our emotional growth and strength.
The Rituals that Changed Our Lives
Note: If you’d like attend next year’s “Think Better, Live Better 2017” conference on February 18-19 in South Florida, sign up here to be notified when (discounted) early bird tickets go on sale.
Your turn…
Please let us know…
What’s one thing you think about, or one thing you’re grateful for, that reinforces your emotional strength even when times are tough?
Anything else to share?
We would love to hear from YOU in the comments sections below.
And we would also love to see you at the next annual “Think Better, Live Better” conference in February of 2017.
PS: If you do decide to sign up to be notified when “Think Better, Live Better” 2017 tickets go on sale, you will be automatically qualified for both discounted Standard tickets and discounted VIP tickets. Note: you can watch another short clip from our 2016 event here.
Janice says
Marc and Angel, I attended your conference this past January in Austin, and your strategies and perspectives had an incredibly positive impact on the past several months of my life.
I used to forget to believe in myself and care for myself. I was “too busy” … at least that is how I justified my self-abuse. But I’ve made lots of progress since January.
Self-care has become a daily ritual — and it includes gratitude reflection and morning affirmations/mantras, among other great tools you’ve advocated.
Also thankful for this site and your emails. You have helped me in dealing with many issues, and I continue
PS: The intro and video clip above was a great reminder, and I’m going to get the full video recording too, so I can reference it and share it with my teenage children (twins) who are getting ready to head off to college soon. Thank you.
Marc Chernoff says
It was so nice to meet you, Janice. And well done on taking so many positive steps forward. Keep going! 😉
Henry Janson says
Great message and video! Really!
And to answer your question:
When I need some extra emotional strength on a hard day, I reference this small quote you sent out in one of your email newsletters awhile back:
“The very challenges that seem so hard when you’re going through them are the ones you’ll look back on with gratitude for how far you’ve come.”
It’s simple, but it reminds me that I’m not just going through hard times, I’m GROWING through them.
Marc Chernoff says
Indeed, we are GROWING! Well said.
Victoria says
I love how you segmented this short clip from your conference. I actually first watched the digital recorded version of your event a few months ago when it was first released, and I’ve since re-watched various sections of it just to keep these teachings fresh in my mind.
One of the key things I’ve been working on recently is to stop chasing the wrong things — everyone’s approval, fancy new cars, etc. This model works for some people, but sends many of us into a tailspin of depression. We spend all our time chasing the wrong things, and not enough time enjoying what we have.
Happiness is not about having the latest in cellphone, car, a perfect looking significant other, or being popular, etc. Happiness comes from making space for appreciation, like being grateful for a sunshine filled day, the sunrise and sunset, a marvelous landscape, a great conversation, the taste of a fresh fruit, a healthy body, etc. And this in one of the reasons I re-watch your conference recording, and also why I fell in love with your blog, book, emails, etc. – much of your teachings reminds me that happiness and success is not found in busyness and excess, but in simplifying life to focus on the essentials.
Marc Chernoff says
Thank you for the extra kindness and for supporting our work, Victoria. I love your sentiment too. It truly sounds like you mind is in the right place.
Karen says
In answer to your question: One of the methods I practice when feeling down or depleted is to acknowledge (by saying out loud when alone, or in my mind when applicable) everything I am grateful for. It is not easy when I am feeling sorry for myself, but I am willing to do it and “fake it ’til I make it’. I name and thank everything that crosses my path: The bed I woke up in, running water, the pencil I am holding, the clothes in my closet, my car, the floor I am walking on, the tree outside my window…no matter what condition they are in..It may sound simplistic, or even silly (and I do feel silly at first), but it actually produces results in my perspective and attitude and the next thing I know, I am feeling good..And when I feel good, good things happen and I am in a position to share that and bring goodness to others.. The key is getting past my initial unwillingness to be grateful when I feel anything but…I learned this concept from 12 step programs and Louis Hay and adapted the practice to suit my needs yet its core is always the same: Gratitude. It works
Elva says
Yes!! Gratitude is what I start my days with — in prayer. I am thankful for food, clothing, shelter, enough work to pay my bills, for friends, for being able to look out my windows frequently, for recently done cataract surgery on both eyes, for my very conscientious surgeon, who is becoming a friend, … the list is long….
Like everyone else here, I have had some very difficult things happen in my life, but I choose to see my glass as half-full instead of half empty. Philippians 4:8 — “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Peace and hope from Elva
Gale Brown says
Good morning y’all !! 🙂 as always, enjoyed having my morning coffee with u 2 this AM, and hearing and reading ur message. So so discriptive of me, my entire adult life…made many bad choices in my life, and now, at 62, as of today…. I deal with severe bouts of depression from all the many bad decisions that were thoughtlessly elected…. Love you both dearly and appreciate y’all, and the sincere work you do to help me, and so many others grow !!!! Big hugs from SC. 🙂
Marc Chernoff says
You are welcome, Gale! 🙂
Bongani Magwaza says
Marc and Angel, you always give me courage as you tell your stories about life. As a young man who lives in deep rural areas in South Africa, it’s always a good mental and spiritual enlightenment to read and hear from your story. Thank you.
Emily says
Great video!!! I loved starting my morning with this dose of good energy!
I also love the mind/body connection offered by the bracelet. Yes, it’s a powerful thought, but it’s also a physical reminder. It has great potential to help people feel centered in their bodies, feel that their bodies are their allies.
Judy says
Marc and Angel,
I’m a new follower and fan of your blog. The profound simplicity, or maybe simple profundity (whichever way you look at it – your messages are amazing!), of what you share has impacted me each and every time I read. Today was exceptional because I also got to hear you speak! The message of positive affirmations brought forth from my memory an old song by Sam Cooke my dad taught my sisters and me when we were young:
You’ve got to accentuate the positive,
Eliminate the negative.
Latch on to the affirmative,
But don’t mess with Mr. In-between.
What we allow into our brains really matters -it’s in there ready for recall- no matter how many years pass!! Good reminder that what goes into our mind through our senses matters!
Love your ministry!
Warmly,
Judy
Marc Chernoff says
Thanks for sharing those lyrics, Judy. I’ve never heard that song before, but I just looked it up and gave it a listen. Excellent message!
Kim Nalen says
I use the serenity prayer as it reminds me to focus on only what I can control. That shift alone keeps the healthy thoughts of gratitude and acceptance in motion and keeps me in the now. It’s a choice. 🙂
Debbie Savage says
Hi Marc & Angel! Thank you so much for sharing this with me!
Amy says
I really appreciate you and the write ups you usually send to me. They are always encouraging, anytime,anyday!
Tony Woodall says
Hi Marc & Angel, thank you for this insightful article. I’m going through a tough time now and learning new rituals to help make the emotional lows more bearable really help.
I started several morning rituals to help . I started using meditation and visualization techniques again. I had been very active with them throughout my life to help grow my career.
Gratitude has always been a part of my thought process but I have never used it as a ritual for emotional growth and stability. I am grateful for many things and need to start thinking about them every morning.
I will let you know how it helps.
Make today a great day.
Tony
Marc Chernoff says
Go for it, Tony! I’m looking forward to hearing how this ritual works out for you.
Melissa Smith says
Only recently did I find my own. “I didn’t start to stop”. When I think it’s getting too hard to keep going and the challenges are many I remember why I started. There is no way I can stop now.
Nancy says
I motivate myself by telling myself that there is sn opportunity in every problem. So on bad days I focus on the opportunity in the problem. This affirmation allows me to ride out those bad days.