Perhaps it takes courage to raise children…
Our youth can’t possibly know how age thinks and feels. And likewise, as we age we are often guilty of being so busy-brained that we forget what it was like to be young. Spending time with my young son helps me tap into my younger mind — he keeps me on my toes. For that I am grateful, but I still struggle as a parent. I struggle to be present. I struggle to be patient. I struggle to remember. Almost every single day.
Truth be told, every parent battles with parenthood in their own way. Because parenting is not easy.
What helps me is journaling about the lessons parenthood is gradually teaching me, and then referring back to what I’ve learned when I’m struggling and forgetful.
Today, I want to share some quotes from my parenting journal with you. Perhaps they will assist you someday, the way they have assisted me again this morning…
- Trust yourself. You know far more than you think you do.
- Parenting is unquestionably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but in exchange it teaches you about the meaning and power of unconditional love.
- Everything involving your children will be painful in some way. The emotions are deep, whether they are happiness, heartache, love or pride. And in the end they will leave you vulnerable, exposed, and yes, in pain. The human heart was not meant to beat outside the human body, and yet you will find that your children carry with them just this kind of surreal phenomena — a loving, emotionally attached parent (YOU), with your heart exposed and beating forever outside of your chest. Breathe… It’s OK.
- No one is ever quite ready — every parent is caught off guard, again and again. Parenthood chooses you every day, not the other way around. And perhaps a week in, a month in, or even a year in, you open your eyes, look at what you’ve got, say “Oh, my goodness,” and suddenly awake to the fact that of all the things there ever were to juggle, this is the one you should not drop. It’s not a question of choice. It’s a presence of love.
- The nature of being a parent seems thankless sometimes, until you realize and embrace the fact that you are choosing to love your children far more than you have ever loved anyone before them, even more than you love your own parents. And, within this realization that your own children can’t possibly understand the depth of your love, you come to understand the tragic and yet immensely beautiful, unrequited, unconditional love your own parents have for you.
- Being a parent is a daily attitude, not a biological relation.
- To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to make time to be in their lives today. Every day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. The more present we are, the more deposits we get to make.
- When you take the time to open your mind and ears, and actually listen with humility to what people have to say, it’s amazing what you can learn. This is especially true if the people who are doing the talking also happen to be your children. (Read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.)
- Your children are the greatest gift life will give you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility it will place in your hands. Take time with them, and teach them to have faith in themselves by being a person they can have faith in — a person who listens — a person they can trust without question. When you are old, nothing else you’ve done will have mattered as much.
- Walk the talk. Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them in some way.
- Your children need you to love them for who they are, not spend all your time trying to fix them.
- Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.
- Parents can only guide by example and put their offspring on the right path, but the final forming of a person’s character and life story lies in their own hands.
- All details aside, if you have never been “hated” by your kid for a short time, you have never truly been a parent. A harsh truth, I know.
- It’s absolutely impossible to protect your children against disappointment in life. Some things you just have to live through to learn.
- One of the best things you can do for your children as they grow is to let go and allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong and responsible, allow them the freedom to experience things on their own terms, allow them to take the bus or the train and learn from life firsthand — allow them to be better people, allow them to believe more in themselves and do more by themselves. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- No matter how great of a job you do parenting — especially if you truly do it right — your children won’t stay with you. They will eventually break away. It’s the one job in life, where the better you do, the more rapidly and surely you won’t be needed as often in the long run.
Afterthoughts
I want to end this post with a famous quote by Walt Disney that I’ve always loved:
“Children are people, and they should have to reach to learn about things, to understand things, just as adults have to reach if they want to grow in mental stature. Life is composed of lights and shadows, and we would be untruthful, insincere, and saccharine if we tried to pretend there were no shadows.
Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him or her from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.”
Now, it’s your turn…
Marc and I would love to hear from YOU before you go.
Please leave us a comment below to let us know what you think of this post and its advice.
Did you have a favorite quote or point? Anything else to share about parenting?
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Sara says
wow!!! how very true!!!! – reading this has just brought tears to my eyes – realisation of truly how deep a parent’s love really runs!!!…. I especially like thought 7 – presence is worth far more than presents…
thank you for the sentiments
Marty says
Great thoughts on parenting, all around. And how about adding this one to the list:
I discovered this fact by being a single parent in the 1980’s and 90’s in Southern Calif ( Orange County)
“If you want to feel the highest highs and the lowest lows of your life all you need to do is raise children.”
Cecille says
Great wisdom here on parenthood. And here are two other thoughts/quotations that have helped me over the years:
“I had a happy childhood because my mother was often my exact age.”
“You don’t have to be a perfect mother to raise amazing, awesome children.”
As a single mom of a just-turned 13-year-old daughter, I cling to the second one especially.
Annette Whittington says
This is so beautiful and speaks to what truly is an “Intentional Parent”. I too am on a mission to help parents understand the power that they have in producing our next generation. Parents are Powerful and we set the example for our children. We must say YES to empowering and connecting!
Christian says
Angel, like much of what you and Marc share in your emails and books, this is all invaluable wisdom we all need to remember. Many thanks.
As a father of two well-adjusted young adults, I would piggyback on your #12 and add:
Don’t be afraid to let your children reach for horizons beyond your own horizons. You may have wishes and plans for them, but let their dreams and options be wider and bigger than yours. One day they will be fully grown and broaden your horizons.
Laura J. Tang says
Beautiful, wise words as always Angel.
I would only add: let children be children, give them every possible opportunity to delight in their years of carefree joy – they can have a lifetime of learning and growing as adolescents and adults. We may have the power to dictate how those deliciously childishly or not those years pan out but we don’t have the right to restrict a single moment of carefree-ness.
Your son is a wonderfully fortunate little chap with incredible, intentional parents helping others be the same.
Matti says
Parenting my 3 kids has taught me the true meaning of 3 words:
Grace
Patience
Forgiveness
Carine says
I am a parent, a single mom and only parent of a 6 year old beautiful girl. You said it all. But sometimes I cry because I have to always be out there looking for $$ to take care of us. I also used to be mad at my mom all the time cause she had to also go searching for food for us. I really did not understand until it was my turn. I know how much she loved me to be willing to leave me behind with her mom so I can have food to eat. My love for her has grown so much that at times I pray she lives forever and get to know love and peace which she lost in a very abusive marriage (to my now deceased dad). Thank you for stirring up hope on the inside of us. I am looking for ways to give my daughter more of me, taking IT now in hope to work from home and still make good money and have her near me all the time.
God bless the work of your hands 🙂
Amy says
#5 in this sums it up for me. Thank you!
Dawn Trivitt says
That was absolutely amazing and beautiful… the things we try to protect them from, we try to guide them, we try to love them the best way we know how. I have never known unconditional love until I Had my 1st son that was not supposed to ever be on this Earth he. Is? Now going to be 17 next month and no longer lives with me we are at odds with each other and do not speak. I know that he is troubled and he has problems. He lives with his father in Florida and him and I cannot seem to ever be on the same page. I hope that 1 day he realizes that I tried my best with what I had and what I knew. But also that I was the only one that loved and wanted him more than anyone in this world. He will always be the biggest part in the best part of my life. I pray to God that he guides him to be a good man in society to be strong to be dedicated to be loyal to be understanding to other. People’s feelings as he is not doing that for me. At this point he is very rebellious very vindictive. And craves attention whom I know he is not getting living with his father. I wrapped my whole entire world around my son he was everything I’ve ever wanted. I never thought I could ever have a child so he was a blessing to me as I kept it close to me maybe too close but I will let him. Fly I will let him learn I will let him do his things I will let him have his own hurts painful moments and responsibilities that he. Can carry on and should become a better person. I truly hope that he feels in his heart how much his mother loves him. I will never stop loving my son. He will always be my rock but I cannot change. What? Has happened. He is now growing into an adult which he will have the many painful experiences that I can not take away from him or keep him from or shield him from. All I know is that I want him to realize that life is so short. I want and that we must not take one day for granted as we are not promised tomorrow. Thank you for your post it was absolutely amazing.
Barbara Regenspan says
I find this column very beautiful and true but missing is the recognition that sometimes our best intentions as parents, even with loving follow-through and good support, will not insure a happy outcome for our children, especially after they leave home. The world is a precarious place and human beings are not by nature always rational. I think the reality that parents can do everything “right” with tremendous love and appropriate limit-setting and still face a disappointing and hurtful outcome is something it’s helpful to know before making the decision to become a parent.
Liz DANIELSON says
Thank you for these reminders. My daughter – at 30 – is embarking on a life-changing journey that will move her out of the country for several years. I’m thrilled for her but also am heavily mourning her absence already. I know and have said for many years that children are leaving us from the moment they are conceived. It’s a testament to your parenting if they can do so successfully. Bon Chance, darling daughter!
Jonathan Young says
I’ve read hundreds of pieces you guys have written, and without a doubt this is one of the best. Thank you.