Archives for April 2013

9 Questions Unhappy People Never Ask

04.30.2013 by Angel Chernoff // 47 Comments

9 Helpful Questions for Life’s Stuck Moments

We have within us the power to start over again.
The future is always beginning now.

Every experience – positive and negative, strength and weakness, love and hate, health and sickness – adds to your personal growth. You will never be called upon to face any challenge which you do not possess the strength to overcome.

But there are great enemies: anxiety, fear, worry, etc. These inner demons set up conditions which disturb and prevent the clear thinking you require.

Calmness, confidence, receptiveness – with these your spirit can flourish; with these you will find the answers you want from day to day, and even more importantly, you will find the right questions.

So when stress and unhappiness begins weighing down on you, take a deep breath, clear your mind and ask yourself…

“Should I turn around?” – Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly okay. U-turns are allowed in life. Remember, no one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity chapter of 1,000 Little Things.)
“What makes me happy?” – Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy. Someday you will look back over your life and you will realize that the best moments – when you felt most alive – were the moments when you let your instincts and passions guide you. If your passion takes you down a path few people travel, so be it. Some people may ridicule you for being different and not living up to society’s standards, but deep down, some part of them wishes they had the courage to do the same. [Read more…]

8 Ways You’re Driving Yourself Crazy

04.28.2013 by Marc Chernoff // 62 Comments

8 Ways You Drive Yourself Crazy

No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.
— Aristotle

I sat there in her living room staring at her through teary eyes. “I feel crazy,” I said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Why do you feel crazy?” she asked.

“Because I’m neurotic and self-conscious and regretful, and so much more all at once,” I said.

“And you don’t think everyone feels like this at times?” she asked.

“Not like this,” I replied under my breath.

“Well you’re wrong,” she said. “If you think you know someone who never feels a bit crazy and off-center, you just don’t know enough about them. Every one of us contains a measure of ‘crazy’ that moves us in strange, often perplexing ways. This side of us is necessary; it’s part of our human ability to think, adapt and grow. It’s part of being intelligent,” she said.

I sat silently for a moment. My eyes gazed from her eyes to the ground and back to her eyes again. “So you’re saying I should want to feel like this?”

“To an extent,” she said. “Let me put it this way: Taking all your feelings seriously all the time is a waste of your spirit. You have to know that sometimes what you feel simply won’t align with what you want; it’s just your subconscious mind’s way of helping you look at things from a different perspective. These feelings will come and go quickly as long as you let them go… as long as you consciously push past them.”

We shared another moment of silence, then my lips curled up slightly and I cracked a smile, “Thank you, Grandma,” I said.

Over the course of the next few hours we discussed the following – some ways we unnecessarily drive ourselves crazy:

1. Should haves, would haves and could haves…

As Thich Nhat Hanh so perfectly said, “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” [Read more…]

7 Positive Things You Should Say Today

04.25.2013 by Marc Chernoff // 59 Comments

7 Positive Things You Should Say Today

Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars,
and see yourself running with them.
?Marcus Aurelius

Your life story is an expression of who you are; the words you choose to use shape this story. Your words create the essence of your inner culture and the core of your identity and destiny.

How have you written your story so far? Have you put your words to positive use? If I eavesdropped on your self-talk or your conversations with others, would I hear statements that create happiness, or statements that refute it?

Your ability to write a happy life story hinges on your language. It is your inner and outer verbal expression that makes your joy possible and that infuses your life with purpose, meaning and vitality.

So today I challenge you to say…

1. “I have a choice.”

It is not your talents or abilities, but your choices that ultimately decide your fate.

You ARE your choices.

Until you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “I have a choice. I am here now because of the choices I’ve made in the past,” you will never be able to say, “I choose differently.”

2. “Let’s get started!”

You can’t build anything wonderful with ideas of what you are going to do someday. If you want something, you have to make a little noise, declare it and [Read more…]

6 Ways to Speak Well to Your Loved Ones

04.23.2013 by Marc Chernoff // 54 Comments

6 Ways to Speak Well to Your Loved Ones

Every heart sings a song, incomplete,
until another heart whispers back.
?Plato

At a time in history when we are communicating more rapidly than ever – via texts, tweets and email volleys, one after the next – it seems there is hardly anyone among us who couldn’t use some tips to facilitate more heartfelt communication for our in-person interactions with the people we care about most.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Tell them how important they are, often.

Here’s a wake-up call for you: No matter how sure you are of someone’s love, it’s always nice to be reminded of it.

Loving someone and having them love you back is the most precious phenomenon in the world, and it should be expressed as such. When you truly love someone, be loving in words and deeds every single day. Don’t beat around the bush. Be straightforward.

If you appreciate someone today, tell them. If you adore someone today, show them. Hearts are often confused and broken by thoughtful words left unspoken and loving deeds left undone. There might not be a tomorrow. Today is the day to express your love and admiration.

2. Communicate your feelings openly.

Your parents may have told you that it’s not what you say but how you say it that [Read more…]

8 Effective Ways to Let Go and Move On

04.21.2013 by Marc Chernoff // 209 Comments

8 Effective Ways to Let Go and Move On

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
— Ann Landers

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn’t mean it still is. This could be a relationship, a job, a home, a habit, etc.

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.

The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that’s OK. This feeling is normal. I’ve been right there with you on more occasions than I can count.

Reasons to Let Go and Move On

Someone’s negativity is rubbing off on you. – You are the average of the people you spend the most time with. In other words, who you spend your time with has a great impact on the person you are and the person you become. If you are around cynical and negative people all the time, you will become cynical and negative.
You have grown apart from someone. – Sad but true, no matter what you do or how much you explain yourself, some people will gradually [Read more…]