Archives for June 2013

When I was younger I often felt inadequate and “not good enough” to be friends, lovers, or business partners with certain people.  Sometimes I simply couldn’t understand what others saw in me.  I was very insecure.

I ended many promising relationships because of my insecurity.  In my mind, it felt easier for me to end it before they did.  Walking away rather than risking the heartbreak of rejection was how I justified my behavior to myself.  But after awhile, as I grew emotionally, I began to realize that I wanted and needed the comfort and support of long-term relationships.

So what did I do, and what can you do if insecurity is damaging your relationships?

You need to understand that a good relationship is about sharing ideas and enjoyable moments with another, to help each other grow in healthy ways, both together socially and as individuals.  If someone really does treat you poorly or lies and cheats you out of something, feeling insecure is a natural and reasonable response.  However, if you’re actually in a generally good relationship with someone, then it’s time to…

1.  Stop trying to read minds.

Most relationship problems and associated social anxieties start with bad communication, which in turn leads to attempted mind reading.  Mind reading occurs when two people assume that they know what the other is thinking when they don’t.  This process of wondering and trying to guess what someone is thinking is a rapid route to feelings of insecurity and stress.

If someone says one thing, don’t assume they mean something else.  If they say [Read more…]

by Ken Wert

In an era of public booty-bouncing and other ubiquitous in-your-face expressions of sensuality, it’s about time we had a new standard of sexy.

Real sexiness is so much more than physical shape and form.  It’s more than style and wardrobe, attitude and visible swag.  And it’s certainly more than the lopsided exposed skin to covered skin ratio depicted on today’s popular media channels.

We are increasingly in desperate need of a more enduring standard, one that includes more than face and body – one that includes the shape and form of internal qualities, those that add joy and passion to life, those of heart, mind and soul.

“Sexiness is a state of mind – a comfortable state of being.”
?Halle Berry

The Up-Close-and-Personal Principle

Have you ever seen someone across a crowded room you were immediately attracted to, approached them and got to know the person up close and personal, and then couldn’t remember for the life of you how you ever found them attractive?

On the other hand, have you met someone who had no particular appeal at first glance, and then after getting to know them you suddenly discovered pure sexiness oozing from their pores?

Deep, moving sexiness is more than mere physicality and more than swaying hips and pouty lips.  It’s more than broad shoulders and six pack abs.  The most enduring form of sexiness is the most endearing trait and the clearest mirror of the human soul: happiness.

It’s time we elevate happiness to its proper place in the sexiness pantheon by learning and applying these seven character traits of happiness (and therefore sexiness):

1.  Moral Courage

Happy people stand up for what’s right and don’t get pushed around by peer pressure into the newest fad or trend.  They have the courage, conviction and inner strength to do what’s right even while others reshape themselves into ever-shifting expressions of someone else’s standards, becoming shadows of other’s values. [Read more…]