Archives for March 2014

3 Questions that Will Free Your Mind and Turn Your Life Around

03.26.2014 by Angel Chernoff // 64 Comments

3 Questions that Will Free Your Mind and Turn Your Life Around

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
?Voltaire

It’s not the answers you get from others, but the questions you ask yourself that will help you grow stronger. In fact, the simple questions you ask yourself on a daily basis will determine the type of person you become in the long run.

And that’s precisely why we recorded today’s video blog post – to help you embark on a positive journey of self-inquiry.

Video Blog Post:

3 Questions (video transcript):

Keep in mind that these questions have no right or wrong answers…

Because sometimes asking the right questions IS the answer.

1. If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

Remember, the way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will. So treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t, and start giving yourself credit for everything you ARE. We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.

Honestly, the amount of abuse you tolerate in your relationships is often equal to [Read more…]

10 Things to Remember When You Feel Lost and Alone

03.19.2014 by Marc Chernoff // 281 Comments

10 Things to Remember When You Feel Lost and Alone

“Being alone never felt right. Sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.”
— Charles Bukowski

“This morning I felt lost and alone as I was driving home after a brutal breakup with my boyfriend. I turned on the radio and the Michael Jackson song ‘You Are Not Alone’ was playing. A few seconds later, at the exact moment the chorus began, I passed a huge billboard sign with big black letters that read, ‘YOU ARE NOT ALONE!’”

That’s the opening paragraph of an email I received today from a reader named Ella. It made me smile because I love when life delivers seemingly coincidental, positive messages like that, right when we need them most.

However, the rest of Ella’s email further described her ongoing struggle with feeling “lost and alone” in life. Which got me thinking…

Why do people have to feel this way? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them craving connection, and looking for specific experiences and people to satisfy them, yet inadvertently isolating themselves in the process. Why? Was the planet put here just to nourish our loneliness?

The more I’ve experienced and explored my own feelings of uncertainty and loneliness, the more I’ve realized how necessary these feelings are. It’s good for us to spend time exploring unknowns, alone. It gives us an opportunity to discover who we really are and what life is all about.

Here are some things to keep in mind when you feel lost and alone:

1. You are not alone in being alone.

So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you. We are all in this together. So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, know that there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie. There’s always someone who can relate to you. Perhaps you can’t [Read more…]

20 Self-Confidence Traps Holding Smart People Back

03.16.2014 by Angel Chernoff // 47 Comments

25 Self-Confidence Traps Holding Smart People Back

by Barrie Davenport

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly,
you cease forever to be able to do it.”
?Peter Pan

Do you ever feel like a duck stuck in white water, paddling furiously and never getting any closer to where you want to go? The goals and dreams you have just aren’t coming together, and you’re not sure where or why you’re missing the mark.

You think you’re doing your best and busting your butt at work, but that promotion never materializes. You’re so excited about the date you had last week, and you thought it went well, but he never responds to follow-up calls. You work really hard at a new business idea, put in significant time, effort, and energy, but for some reason it just never catches on.

So you catch yourself thinking, “What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Am I not smart enough?”

Then at other times you know you’re not on your ‘A’ game, but you try to cover it up. You put on a happy face and hope no one notices how fearful and full of doubt you’re feeling. And while acting confidently like this, despite your doubt, may be a decent strategy for boosting self-confidence over the long-term, you’re still sending out lots of low confidence signals to the decision-makers and important people in your life.

Your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings translate to noticeable expressions that actually spotlight just how unsure you’re feeling. And unfortunately, low self-confidence is an unattractive and off-putting quality to almost everyone, no matter how smart you are or how ingenious your ideas may be… Which means it may be the very reason success in various walks of life has been so elusive.

In fact, did you know that 93% of the recognizable messages we send to others are through non-verbal communication?

Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on nonverbal communication. He learned that only 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through specific vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc.). When we remove the 7% for vocal content, that leaves us with the 93% statistic.

If you are going to act confidently (whether you feel it or not), you must first understand what low confidence behavior looks like. Here are 20 ways you might be trapping yourself by sending out signals of self-doubt:

Using weak body language – Such as crossing your arms, not smiling, looking down, and not making eye contact [Read more…]

8 Things You Should Never Give Up for a Relationship

03.12.2014 by Marc Chernoff // 77 Comments

8 Things You Should Never Give Up for a Relationship

Being alone doesn’t mean you’re weak, it simply means you’re strong enough to wait for the right relationship.

“It’s been exactly ten years since my controlling, abusive ex-fiancé sold my favorite guitar which cost almost $1,000 and took me ages to save for. He sold it on the day I broke up with him. When I went to pick up my belongings, he was proud that he had sold it to a local pawnshop. Luckily, I managed to track down the guy that bought it from the pawnshop. The guy was really sweet and gave it back to me for free, on the condition that I join him on his front porch for an hour and play guitar with him. He grabbed a second guitar and we ended up sitting there on his porch for the rest of the afternoon playing music, talking, and laughing. He’s been my husband for almost nine years now, and we are happier now than ever.”

That’s a paraphrased version of a story one of our coaching clients, Megan, lived through a while back. It’s one of those life stories that really stuck with me – one that I still think about on a regular basis. And it immediately came to mind this morning when a new reader of ours, Jay, emailed me a long story about his present, broken relationship. Specifically this one line jumped out at me: “I feel like I’ve given up my love, my passions, my friendships, and my life for her, but it’s never enough.”

Using Megan’s story as a frame of reference, we are reminded that unhealthy relationships restrict and impair, while healthy relationships bring freedom and life to our existence. It’s important to remember the difference. It’s important to remember what you should NEVER have to give up for a relationship. And that’s what this article is about – some good reminders for Jay, and for all of us…

1. Your imperfect magnificence.

It’s not hard to find someone who tells you they love you; it’s hard to find someone who actually means it. But you will find them eventually, so don’t rush love, and don’t settle. Find someone who isn’t afraid to admit they miss you. Someone who knows you’re not perfect, but appreciates you as you are. One who gives their heart completely. Someone who says, “I love you” and then proves it day in and day out. Find someone who wouldn’t mind waking up with you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles and grey hair, and then falls in love with you all over again.

Remember, to the people who truly love you, you are magnificent already. This is not because they’re blind to your shortcomings, but because they so vividly see [Read more…]

30 Must-Do’s While You’re Young Enough to Read This

03.10.2014 by Marc Chernoff // 58 Comments

30 Must-Do’s While You’re Young Enough to Read This

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come.
We have only today. Let us begin.”
?Mother Teresa

This morning I received a new thank you email from a reader named Claire. She said our blog and book helped motivate her while she was fighting cancer over the past 18 months. Although her entire email was both heartbreaking and inspiring, this one paragraph made me pause and reflect on my own life:

“When I found out that I may had breast cancer, the strangest thing happened… It seemed as though I was given a new set of eyes. Suddenly I looked around at my life in the face of possible death, and my life seemed so full of color and happiness. And I began to pray that I would beat my cancer and have more time to enjoy it.”

I think this is such a bold reminder that far too many of us wait too long to live our best lives. We keep putting everything off until tomorrow. Then, before we know it, we find ourselves asking, “How did it get so late so soon?”

Thankfully, for Claire, the final line of her email read, “I’m happy to report that my Oncologist just gave me a clean bill of health this morning. Right now I’m cancer-free! I’m just so grateful I get to implement the positive principles you’ve taught me, as I dive headfirst into my second chance at life.”

So let’s wake up! ALL OF US! If you can read this, it’s not too late. Like Claire, make today the beginning of your second chance at life. Take time to figure yourself out. Take time to realize what you want and need. Take time to take risks. Take time to love, laugh, cry, and learn. Life is shorter than it often seems. Here are 30 must-do’s you can start working on today:

Accept every unique piece of yourself. – The secret to happiness and success is the acceptance of yourself. You will never become who you want to be if you rely on everyone else to qualify you. Own yourself completely, just the way you are, flaws and all. Once you love and accept even the worst possible version of yourself, you are free. So always go with yourself, never against yourself. Be who you were created to be and you will set the world on fire.
Make yourself a priority. – Truth be told, there are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them. Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s. [Read more…]