Archives for May 2014

30 Lessons to Excel in Life in Your 30s and Beyond

05.28.2014 by Marc Chernoff // 40 Comments

30 Lessons to Excel in Life in Your 30s and Beyond

“The trouble is if you don’t spend your life yourself,
other people spend it for you.”
?Peter Shaffer

Every summer, like clockwork, after high school and college graduation ceremonies send new graduates trotting off into the real world, Angel and I receive a few hundred emails from eager late teen and early 20-something subscribers (subscribe here) that basically ask the same fundamental question:

“What do you suggest I learn or work on now that I’m out of school and on my own?”

Obviously, a comprehensive list of important lessons and life skills could be infinite. And over the years Angel and I have written several articles like “18 Things I Wish Someone Told Me When I Was 18” and “25 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self” geared to give the 18 to 22 crowd something positive to think about. But every time we write an article like these for the youngsters, we inevitably receive a few hundred more emails that say something like, “I loved the article, but what about an article for my age bracket?”

So today, for graduates, 30-somethings, and beyond, here’s a list of general lessons and life skills Angel and I work on every single day – a list worth growing into and working on for the rest of your adult life:

You have to stand beside yourself, 100%, every day. – Self-respect, self-worth and self-love. There’s a reason they all start with “self.” You can’t receive them from anyone else. You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, ATTRACTIVE enough, and STRONG enough. Believe it! Own it! And never let insecurity and negativity run your life. There will always be someone who tells you that you can’t do something. Your mission is to smile and prove them wrong. One smile at a time.
Nothing great ever comes from a comfort zone. Period. – If you want to stunt your growth and feel stuck in the same place forever, keep making excuses. If, on the other hand, you want to stop feeling trapped, you have to start doing things that make you uncomfortable – things you aren’t very good at. There is no excuse for remaining stuck. There is no excuse for doing the same exact mundane things over and over again. Life is too short. Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. What a disgrace it would be for you to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of your full potential. [Read more…]

10 Things You Need to Say Before it’s Too Late

05.25.2014 by Marc Chernoff // 49 Comments

10 Things You Need to Say Before it's Too Late

Be brave. Say what you need to say. When you don’t speak up, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up not getting said.

About a decade ago a coworker of mine died in a car accident on the way home from work. During his funeral several people from the office were in tears, saying kind things like, “I loved him. We all loved him so much. He was such a wonderful person.” Of course, I started crying too. But I couldn’t help but wonder if these people had told him that they loved him while he was alive, or whether it was only with death that this powerful word, “love,” had been used without question or hesitation.

I vowed to myself then and there that I would never again hesitate to speak up to the people I care about and remind them of how much I appreciate them. They deserve to know they give meaning to my life. They deserve to know I think the world of them.

But this wake-up call taught me something even bigger than that. Not only did it teach me to speak up to others, it taught me to speak up to myself too, about my attitude, my self-respect, my dreams, and so forth. Because the harsh truth is, we never know. We never know when everything will change. When great opportunities will pass. When everything we take for granted will be taken away. We don’t know when later will be too late.

Don’t let this reality depress you; let it motivate you. Let it push you to say what you’ve been meaning to say all along, to others and to yourself…

“I love you.” – Love rarely ever knows it’s own depth until it’s taken away. So don’t wait around. If you appreciate someone today, tell them. If you love someone today, show them. Hearts are often confused and broken by thoughtful words left unspoken, and loving deeds left undone. There might not be a tomorrow. Today is the day to express your love and admiration.
“Thank you.” – For my 17th birthday, many moons ago, my grandfather on my mom’s side gave me four used flannel shirts he no longer needed. The shirts were barely worn and in flawless condition, and my grandfather told me he thought they would look great on me. Sadly, I thought they were an odd gift at the time and I wasn’t thankful. I looked at him skeptically, gave him a crooked half-smile, and moved on to the other gifts sitting in front of me. My grandfather died two days later from a sudden heart attack. The flannel shirts were the last gifts he ever gave me. I regret the small thing I didn’t say when I had the chance: “Thank you Grandpa. That’s so thoughtful of you.” [Read more…]

6 Questions that Will Save Your Relationships

05.21.2014 by Angel Chernoff // 49 Comments

6 Questions that Will Save Your Relationships

When you don’t ask sincere questions and talk it out, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up never getting said.

Video Blog Post:

6 Questions (video transcript):

“Hey, what’s going on?” Marc asked.

“Not much,” I said. “And how was your day?”

“It was OK,” Marc said…

And just like that our conversation would be over. For the longest time, this is exactly how Marc and I initiated conversations with each other at the end of long workdays.

Sure, we greeted each other and asked a couple questions, but they weren’t the right questions. They were meaningless inquires that were stale and thoughtless. And, not surprisingly, our conversations went nowhere. Which, in time, ended up hurting our relationship.

Thankfully, before it was too late, we learned to communicate more effectively. We learned that if we really wanted to deepen our relationship – if we really cared to know what’s going on in each other’s heads and hearts – we needed to ask better questions, and then really listen to each other’s answers.

Specifically, we learned that we needed to ask questions that carry this fundamental message: “I’m not just checking the box here. I’m asking you because I really care how you feel and what you have to say. I really want to know YOU.”

So today, we want to help you ask questions that will save your relationships [Read more…]

9 Things Happy Couples Never Think

05.18.2014 by Marc Chernoff // 38 Comments

9 Things Happy Couples Never Think

“There cannot be a relationship unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is understanding, patience, and persistence.”
?Cornel West

It’s easy to make a relationship more difficult than it really is. Angel and I work with coaching clients every day who do just that. But we don’t try to change their relationships, instead we help them change the way they think about their relationships. And that’s precisely what I want to touch on in today’s post.

If you feel like your relationship is sinking, it’s a perfect time to get rid of some thoughts that may be weighing it down.

Here are nine such thoughts to stop thinking, for your relationship’s sake:

1. “My relationship with him/her will solve all MY problems.”

The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. If you’re not comfortable enough with your own inner truth when entering a relationship, then you’re not ready for that relationship. Because you are incapable of loving another unless you love yourself, just as you are incapable of teaching someone else something unless you yourself understand it.

Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of someone else loving you.

2. “We should be the center of each other’s universe.”

A good relationship happens when two people accept each other’s past, support each other’s present, and encourage each other’s future, without trying to micromanage any of part it. So don’t rush relationships, especially those that feel overbearing. Find a partner, and friends for that matter, who encourage you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. And always pay them the same courtesy. This is what [Read more…]

12 Rituals Happy, Successful People Practice Every Day

05.11.2014 by Marc Chernoff // 51 Comments

12 Rituals Happy, Successful People Practice Every Day

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
?Ralph Waldo Emerson

Note: This post has been updated with new information and moved to here:

12 Hard Things to Start Doing for Your Happiness

Your turn…

What would you add to the list? What’s one daily ritual that has helped you find more happiness and success in life? Leave us a comment below and let us know.

Photo by: ePi Longo