Archives for January 2015

5 Ways to Stay Mentally Strong When You’re Not Feeling “Good Enough”

01.28.2015 by Marc Chernoff // 46 Comments

5 Ways to Stay Mentally Strong When You Are Not Feeling Good Enough

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

I bet you do! I know the feeling. We all doubt ourselves sometimes – it’s human nature. And the really crazy thing is, we think everyone else is doing better than us. But they aren’t.

Every day we’re comparing apples with oranges – comparing our insides with other people’s outsides. That colleague of yours who’s giving a really smooth presentation to the boss, while you wait nervously in your chair until it’s your turn? She very well might be panicking inside. You just can’t tell.

In fact, if she’s truly great, she likely is panicking inside. Research suggests that the so-called “impostor syndrome” may get more intense as people get better at what they do: the more accomplished you become, the more likely you are to rub shoulders with ever more talented and skilled people, leaving you feeling even more inadequate by comparison. So, in a backwards way, if you’re concerned that you don’t measure up, that could very well be a good sign that you actually do measure up just fine.

The late and great Maya Angelou, a renowned novelist and poet, once said, “I have written 11 books, but each time, I think ‘Uh-oh. They’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.” Angelou was an extraordinary talent, but she was also extraordinary in being willing to admit that she wasn’t always confident about that.

And in today’s always-connected world it’s even harder to keep things in perspective. Our lives are literally unfolding on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat. We use these social technologies, not surprisingly, to showcase the best parts of our lives: the beautiful weddings and enviable honeymoons, the finished projects, and the best smiles. But we forget that we’re only seeing everyone else’s highlight reel too – not the sleepless nights, the failed attempts, the moments of grief and self-doubt.

So with all of this in mind, if you’re not feeling “good enough” right now, it’s time to adjust your thinking. Let’s go over five time-tested ways to do just that:

1. Acknowledge that all emotions come from within.

It’s not outside forces that make us feel something, it’s what we tell ourselves about what’s happening that creates our feelings. People’s judgments, life’s unplanned events, and your unchecked to-do lists are not [Read more…]

7 Habits to Start in 7 Days to Guarantee a Year of Happiness

01.25.2015 by Marc Chernoff // 45 Comments

7 Habits to Start in 7 Days to Guarantee a Year of Happiness

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
— Ayn Rand

In our busy daily lives it’s easy to miss the forest for the trees and completely overlook some of the more obvious activities that can disproportionally affect our happiness levels. Luckily, we can go off more than just our intuition; there are lots of proven strategies that aim to create the right behavior that leads to a happier life. Below, we take a look at seven of the more actionable pieces of advice you can start implementing over the next week.

1. Find meaning in your work.

Last week I interviewed a motel housekeeper in Miami Beach for a side project I’m working on. “Do you like your job?” I asked. To my surprise, she smiled from ear to ear and was breathless for a couple seconds. She finally collected herself and said, “I can’t believe how much I love my job! I get to make dozens of our guests happy every day and feed my two beautiful children at the same time.” Talk about a powerful perspective! Right?

A job is only just a job if you chose to see it as a job. But there’s so much more to it. All work is a chance to be of service. All work is a chance to express your gifts and talents. All work is a chance to be helpful to other people. All work is a chance to change the world. It’s up to you to find meaning in your work, whether you’re a house keeper, whether you’re a police officer, whether you’re a teacher, whether you’re an astronaut, or an entrepreneur. You must find meaning in your work so that every day you feel like you’re on a purposeful mission.

So I today challenge you: [Read more…]

8 Toxic Beliefs Most People Think Are Normal

01.21.2015 by Marc Chernoff // 49 Comments

8 Toxic Beliefs Most People Think Are Normal

It’s not the circumstances of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs about what those circumstances mean.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had tunnel vision and expected life to be a certain way. I studied my failures until I lost sight of my successes. I surrendered my dreams to feel a sense of comfort. I held tight to my fears and shielded myself from love and happiness by refusing to put myself out there. And as I did all of this, I sat back and wondered why life was so miserable.

Obviously, I was very lost. My own toxic beliefs and ensuing behaviors had gotten the best of me. But after some extensive soul-searching, lots of reading, and diligent daily practice, I learned to do things differently, and I found myself again. I tell you this because I know you struggle with similar inner demons – we all do. Sometimes the ideas and habits we get comfortable with end up killing us inside.

As a veteran life coach who has now spent the better part of a decade coaching thousands of people online and offline, I realize that many of the toxic beliefs I struggled with earlier in life are actually quite common. I have literally seen the same toxic beliefs surface in the lives of new clients over and over again. Here are eight of the most common ones you need to be aware of:

The present is indicative of the future. – When things aren’t going well there’s a tendency to extrapolate and assume the future holds more of the same. For some strange reason this doesn’t happen as much when things are going well. A laugh, a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling are fleeting and we know it. We take the good times at face value in the moment for all they’re worth, and then we let them go. But when we’re depressed, struggling, or fearful, it’s easy to heap on more pain by assuming tomorrow will be exactly like today. This is a cyclic, self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future through that same dirty lens, and nothing will be able to focus your foggy judgment. You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. [Read more…]

4 Unconventional Steps Extremely Successful People Take in Life

01.18.2015 by Marc Chernoff // 31 Comments

4 Unconventional Steps Extremely Successful People Take in Life

All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them. And the way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.

Over the years, Angel and I have had the privilege of working with dozens of extremely successful people. The key thing that separates them from the crowd is their unwavering self-discipline to actually get the right things done.

I’m betting you have stuff you want to do — stuff you know you should be doing. But it doesn’t get done. Why? You need to go from dreaming to doing… but it’s difficult to get going.

You want to excel more at work, get better grades, learn a new skill, get those six-pack abs, or spend more quality time with your family… but it’s not happening. Instead you just procrastinate.

So what can help get you going when you’re not motivated to achieve your longer-term goals? What’s the secret?

Angel and I have observed a simple four-step process repeated consistently in the habits and routines of the most successful people we know.

The first step, believe it or not, is dreaming. We’re all pretty good at that — but it’s only part of the process. In fact, if you do it wrong it can actually make things worse. Here’s how to do it right…

1. Dream (But Don’t Stop There)

Everything starts with a dream. But if that’s all you do, you’re in serious trouble. [Read more…]

12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength

01.14.2015 by Marc Chernoff // 43 Comments

12 Ways to Turn Your Wounds into Wisdom and Strength

“Behind every beautiful thing, there’s some kind of pain.”
?Bob Dylan

At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain, and that there are more flavors of pain than ice cream and coffee combined…

There’s the little empty pain of leaving something behind ? graduating, taking the next step, walking out of a familiar, safe situation and into the excitement of the unknown. There’s the giant, whirling pain of life upsetting all of your big plans and expectations. There’s the little sharp pains of making a mistake, and the more obscure aches of success, when it doesn’t make you feel as good as you thought it would. There are the vicious, backstabbing pains of betrayal. The sweet little pains of finding others who are worthy of your time, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There’s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend or lover and help them face their problems.

And on the best of days, there are the subtle, tingling pains you feel throughout your body when you realize that you’re standing in a moment of sweet perfection, an instant of great achievement, or happiness, or laughter, which at the same time cannot possibly last ? and yet will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Everyone is down on pain, and when we experience it we usually say we’re having a bad day, because we forget something important about what we’re going through: Pain is for the living – for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime. Only the dead don’t feel it, because their time is already up.

So with this in mind, here are twelve smart ways to turn all your daily wounds into wisdom and strength:

Admit to your emotional pain, so you can deal with it and heal. – Emotional pain is less dramatic than physical pain, at least from the outside looking in, but it is more common and also more difficult to bear than broken bones. The frequent attempt to conceal emotional pain increases the burden. Don’t do this to yourself. Sure, it is easier to say, “My leg is aching” than to say, “My heart is broken,” but that doesn’t mean your heart needs less self-care then your leg. If fact, the exact opposite is true. [Read more…]