It’s not about having all the answers – it’s about asking the right questions.
NOTE: This post has been updated with new information and moved to here:
10 Quick Questions that Will Change the Way You Think Today
Photo by: Sylvia Vale
Archives for March 2015
5 Reminders for Finding Strength and Peace in Times of Grief
“There’s a saying in Tibetan philosophy, “Tragedy should be used as a source of strength.” My grandmother always repeated this line to me when I was growing up. Every time I dealt with some kind of adversity, she would graciously remind me that my current struggles were helping me grow stronger.
Sometimes, though, in the midst of chaotic stress and hardship, it’s almost impossible to maintain such a positive perspective. That’s where the five reminders below come into play. I review them from time to time to remind myself that my struggles are giving me an opportunity to grow, and to use what I’ve learned to make a positive difference. Today, I pass them on to you in hopes that they help you find some extra inner strength and peace when you need it most.
1. Your troubles are gradually improving you.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
?Maya Angelou
Someday when you least expect it life will blindside you with necessary chaos. And once the chaos has ended, you won’t remember exactly how it all transpired, how you made it through, or where you found the strength you needed to carry on. You won’t even be sure whether the chaos has completely ended. But there is one thing you can be sure about: When it does finally come to an end, you will be a much stronger person than who you were before it happened, which is precisely why it was necessary.
So let your scars remind you that [Read more…]
8 Things Emotionally Stable People Don’t Do
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
— Oscar Wilde
Last night I received an email (creatively) titled “Emotionally Stable People Don’t Do This” from a reader named Karl. In it he describes a rather chaotic emotional roller coaster that he’s been on for the past few years, personally and professionally. And then he wrapped up his email with this:
“Truly, I love your book and blog. Both have helped me get through some seriously tough times. But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with my emotions. I persistently let every little problem get the best of me. So I was wondering, what do emotionally stable people NOT do? I’m asking because, even though I’ve made progress, I know I’m still holding on to old habits that are holding me back. I need some reminders of what NOT to do!”
There are a million ways to answer Karl’s question (especially as it relates to his unique life situation), but since emotional stability is something all of us struggle with at times, I figured I’d take a stab at answering his question in a general sense, for all of us. Here’s what emotionally stable people don’t do:
- They don’t take other people’s behavior personally. – It’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you expect. And it’s so hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your worth. But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles, that the thought of asking you how you’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind. They aren’t being mean or uncaring – they’re just busy and a bit self-centered at times. And that’s OK. It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part. It doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy. It just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble. But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is an incredible strength. [Read more…]
7 Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated
The worst enemy to productivity and creativity is self-pity.
This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything. It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep with a baby in the house.
I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me. I just felt completely discouraged and defeated. I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.
I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it. Should I just forget about today? Should I just give up on this project, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?
That’s what I was considering, at least for a little while. But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions – little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.
Here’s what works for me – seven things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:
1. You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU).
I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us. But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.
So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help. Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need. I’m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I’m good enough or not is no longer the central question. The central question now is about what others need. [Read more…]
10 Courageous Ways to Live Life Without Regrets
by Naïby Jacques
“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”
?Denis Waitley
Have you ever wondered what gives some people the willingness to move without fear or hesitation?
They do things you believe you can’t do because you’re afraid of the outcome, of the unknown, of the pain.
You see people who can let go of things that might matter to them, and move on with their lives without struggling too much. You see people who can quit or change their jobs, end difficult relationships, and travel around the world, just like that.
Sometimes you regret not trying harder to follow in the footsteps. And you wonder…
What do these people have that I don’t? What’s their secret?
Well, I’ve studied the lives of dozens of courageous (and also successful) people over the years, and I’m happy to share these time-tested strategies for courageously living your life without regrets:
- Be as weird as you are. – Don’t be afraid to provoke the status quo. Maybe some of your ideas are crazy. But crazy ideas are what shake the world. Crazy ideas make revolutions. So don’t be afraid to be different, and don’t be afraid to break traditions. Sure, some people will be frustrated and opposed to your weirdness. Some people might even criticize you. But even if it takes time for them to embrace your ideas, you’re showing them a new way of thinking. You’re planting a seed in their heads and opening their minds – and you’re opening your own mind too. The minute you understand that you can be weird and mold life your own way, you allow yourself to shake off the erroneous notion that life is just there, and that you’re just going to exist in it, rather than embrace it, change it, improve it, and truly live it. [Read more…]