Archives for July 2016

10 Hard Truths About the Heartbreaking Fantasies We Tell Ourselves

07.24.2016 by Marc Chernoff // 35 Comments

7 Things to Remember When You Feel Cheated On

We stress ourselves out… because of fantasies.

We procrastinate to the point of failure… because of fantasies.

We get angry with others, with ourselves, and with the world at large… because of fantasies.

We miss out on many of life’s most beautiful and peaceful moments… because of fantasies.

We – yes, all of us – break our own hearts far too often because of the fantasies we tell ourselves. That might seem hard to believe at first, so let’s look at some common examples…

When we wake up and immediately start fantasizing and worrying about all the things we have to do, we aren’t really doing anything but adding stress to an otherwise pleasant morning.
When we fear the potential of failure, and we procrastinate in response to our fear, our fearful fantasies force us to miss great opportunities for success.
When someone upsets us, this is often because they [Read more…]

7 Things to Remember When You Feel Cheated On

07.20.2016 by Marc Chernoff // 40 Comments

7 Things to Remember When You Feel Cheated On

Sometimes we feel cheated on by others.

Sometimes we feel cheated on by our circumstances.

Sometimes we feel cheated on by life itself.

In any case, we are faced with the reality that things aren’t always what they seem – we don’t always get what we expect. And we begin to learn that our expectations are like fine pottery – the harder we hold on to them, the more likely they are to crack wide open.

So what can we do?

Embrace reality, and make the best of it.

The truth is, we were promised trials and tribulations right from the beginning. They were always part of the program. Growing up we were told, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” And I’ve accepted it. The relationships, jobs, and projects that didn’t work out led me closer to the ones that did. The things I’ve lost too soon opened my mind to understandings and opportunities I never fathomed beforehand. So while I’ve rarely gotten exactly what I wanted, I’ve often received more than I bargained for.

Of course, in the heat of the moment, when disappointing things are happening to YOU, not to others, and the outcomes you’re dealing with are REAL, not imagined, embracing reality and making the best of it is not easy.

You feel cheated on.

You feel victimized.

You feel crushed.

Which is why, first and foremost, it’s important to…

Learn to Be Mindful of Your Expectations

Imagine you had a [Read more…]

16 Quotes that Show Us Life from a Different Perspective

07.17.2016 by Angel Chernoff // 30 Comments

16 Quotes that Show Us Life from a Different Perspective

Let me share three quick stories and some perspective-shifting life lessons with you…

“On my nursing shift at the hospital this evening, I was forced into a moment of perspective when I got off my phone, utterly flustered, after having an argument with my husband, and my eight-year-old patient who’s dying of leukemia asked me if I was OK.”
“Today is the 10-year anniversary of the day I had planned on ending my own life. It’s also the 10-year anniversary of the day I found out I was pregnant with my now 9-year-old son. He’s the reason I changed my mind. And he is so worth it! But most importantly, I now realize I am worth it too.”
“This afternoon I learned that the lady who I thought was a ridiculously young mom of the two twin girls I have in my 5th grade math class is actually their 25-year-old half sister. It turns out, her parents got divorced and her mom had the twins with another man. Then 4 years ago her mom and the father of the twins died in a car accident. The 25-year-old daughter, who was only 21 at the time, took over as their legal guardian and has been raising them ever since.”

These stories have been transcribed with permission from coaching sessions we’ve recently conducted with three new course students. And if there’s one thing these students’ stories have it common, it’s perspective.

What we see greatly depends on how we look at it.

The truth is, our perspective on life comes from the psychological cage we’ve been held captive in. A cage created by…

A difficult past
A sheltered life
Social influence
Pop-culture and mass-media stereotyping
etc.

And our perspective only changes when we consciously and gradually work to free our minds.

The quotes below (taken from our book and blog archive) are simple reminders I personally read and repeat to myself on a regular basis to keep my mind uncaged and my perspective wide open. When I shared them with the three students mentioned above, they all told me they appreciated the extra perspective. Perhaps you will as well.

Happiness escapes from those who refuse to see the good in what they have. When life gives you every reason to be negative, think positive. Let go of what you think your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciate it for everything that it is.
The richest person isn’t the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. Wealth is a mindset. Want less and appreciate more today. Be thankful for your life. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home. Many people don’t have these things. [Read more…]

3 Ways to Find Your Peace When Life Feels Overwhelming

07.06.2016 by Marc Chernoff // 23 Comments

The Day You Stopped Feeling Overwhelmed

Too much to do, not enough time to do it.

Sound familiar?

Twenty-five years ago, at the dawn of the modern internet revolution, people were predicting that our technological advancements would eventually allow us to work less, so we could pay more attention to what’s truly important in our lives. Today, however, there’s plenty of evidence to the contrary.

We may be able to achieve twice as much in half the time, but that’s what’s expected of us now – it’s the new baseline. On top of that, technology fills our free time with endless distractions – we’re checking text messages, email, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc., 24/7.

And so, despite its benefits, our technology has us feeling as desperately overwhelmed as ever.

The solution?

Mindfulness.

Or more specifically: mindfulness as it relates to prioritizing, letting go, and reframing our thoughts.

1. The Art of Mindfully Prioritizing

The moment we admit to ourselves that we’re trying to [Read more…]

One Surprisingly Simple Rule that Will Change Your Life

07.03.2016 by Kendra Wright // 67 Comments

You won’t see this as a news headline, but you should:

SOCIETY IS SICK WITH THE DISEASE OF BUSYNESS!

Being overbooked has somehow become a badge of honor. And I’m no saint.

When I was 22 I scribbled this well-meaning task at the top of my to-do list:

Walk into a nursing home. Ask the staff to nominate their loneliest visitor. Knock on an unsuspecting stranger’s door. Show up and listen.

My intention was to deliver some light and love to a wise soul who had been tucked away in a quiet room. To assure them they had not been forgotten.

But busy days weaved themselves together to form busy weeks. Those busy weeks compounded to create chaotic months. Before I knew it, I had stacked up a bunch of where-the-heck-did-they-go years.

Isn’t it ironic how the most important things in our lives tend to get scheduled with the scraps of what’s left over after the rest of world takes what it wants?

Fast forward five years.

At 27, I decided it was time to start living the story I wanted to look back on.

My calendar would now include more than conference calls, work deadlines, and other people’s needs.

I walked through the front doors of a nursing home in my neighborhood on a rare, uncomfortably cold Texas winter evening. The staff scanned their roster looking for a resident who was “visitor deprived.” Their nomination sat quietly in room 202.

I walked nervously through [Read more…]