Archives for November 2016

Some people appear to be happy-go-lucky on the outside, but they struggle desperately behind closed doors and never give the matter much thought as to why.  They distract themselves with TV, or social media, or whatever it takes to drown out the pain and the truth about their unhappiness.

Other people make lavish, life-long plans based on what they have been told “should” make them happy: “I’m going to marry the perfect man/woman, we’re going to buy our dream house and a couple cars, and we’re going to raise our children in the suburbs.”  But then they wake up ten years into their plan feeling unfulfilled and depressed.

Can you relate at all?  I certainly can.  Many of us suffer in similar ways.

As long as we’re busy doing whatever it is that distracts us from the truth – the whole truth about our happiness and ourselves – we go through life like stones tumbling aimlessly down a mountainside.  We bounce and react impulsively to the surrounding environment, and we blunder onward with no clear idea as to where we’re headed or why.

We awake every morning wishing we could sleep in.  Then we begin each day’s work with the foremost intention to stop working as soon as feasibly possible.  Our minds grow numb to the monotony of a comfortable yet draining routine.  And somewhere along the line, as each day fades into the next, we get our [Read more…]

Think of all the compliments you’ve ever given yourself.

Then think of all the times you’ve said something negative about yourself.

Which group of memories is easier to recollect?

If you’re like most of us, sadly, your answer is the latter.

As human beings our negative self-talk often runs rampant.  We tend to ruminate, thinking the same oppressive thoughts over and over again.  And the more we think these thoughts, the stronger they grow.

A frequently visited thought is like the path our sled leaves behind on it’s way down a snowy hillside.  The more we sled down that same path, the easier it is to go down that path again, rather than starting a new one.  But, with intent and effort, we can create new paths that are just as easy to travel.

When it comes to our inner dialog, replacing well-worn paths of negative thinking with fresh paths of positive thinking can be astoundingly powerful.  Various positive psychology studies have shown that people who put forth the necessary effort to do this have healthier minds and happier lives in the long run.

It’s important to note, too, that replacing our negativity with positivity isn’t about turning off all our negative thoughts – that’s nearly impossible to do because negative thoughts typically arise spontaneously and uncontrollably.  It’s also not about turning our false negative thoughts into false positive ones.  The goal is to reframe negative thoughts effectively, so they are based entirely in reality, detached from needless drama, and focused on the next small, positive step forward that can be taken in the present moment.

Here are two exercises Angel and I often [Read more…]