Comments on: 9 Daily Habits that Often Cause 90 Percent of Our Relationship Problems

By: Dianne

Dianne — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 19:12:53 +0000

I had left this article in my inbox for a LONG time before reading it. Just too busy. I read it today and WOW, I sure had my finger pointing at me a lot The article is great and it really does have great advice for social behavior.

I am archiving this in a folder and will reread it periodically.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sat, 16 Dec 2023 13:14:50 +0000

In reply to Julie Ann. Amen to that addition to the list...

By: Yehuda

Yehuda — Fri, 15 Dec 2023 06:27:34 +0000

Thank you for this advise. Taking 100% resonsibility is a life changer!

By: Diana Everett

Diana Everett — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 20:57:03 +0000

Thank you for all your work on behalf of your clients’ and readers’ mental health, Marc and Angel. You are truly “angels!”

Just re-read these today. Forgot that I had already commented yesterday!

Needed to digest this valuable wisdom multiple times. Am an introvert and a good listener and as a result have been trampled on a lot in the past. Also have no family, which puts me in a one-down status seeking social contact with others with stronger support systems. I need them more than they need me. Was not aware of this vulnerability most of my life until a life-threatening illness and hospitalization woke me up at age 65.

Was only child with emotional neglect and this was my “default setting,” perceiving myself as less important than others. It is a dangerous dynamic and has led me to two life-threatening abusive relationships, an unhappy marriage with an indifferent husband and hostile in-laws, and a lot of unbalanced friendships.

Would add that if there is a pattern (not one time) of non-reciprocation and/or dominance and abuse in a relationship and you are doing all of the work, being disrespected or worse, and are the only one reaching out and giving to the other party, time to step back and reevaluate.

I’ve continued one-sided relationships way past their expiration dates out of perceived loneliness before assessing the dynamics of the relationship. Allow others to initiate contact, and if they don’t move on. The relationship was not meant to be and will only become more toxic with time.

Nature, and human relationships, require balance and equality.

By: Judy Jeanson

Judy Jeanson — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 13:59:26 +0000

I just love your articles. Marc and Angel, thank you.

By: Maryam Sood

Maryam Sood — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 09:04:52 +0000

Thank you for listing these common relationship problems and their solutions. I agree and support them.

Now it’s time to put them into action.

Happy holidays.

By: Lou

Lou — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 07:27:05 +0000

Thank you.

By: Regina

Regina — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 16:25:27 +0000

I enjoy your posts, and this one is certainly no exception.
However this one was disturbing because I could ID so many of these traits in myself. (No surprise because I am on my third marriage.)
Now to actually own them.
Thank you for the wake-up.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 15:05:20 +0000

Thank you for this, I feel like it was a reality check for me. I always give the silent treatment because I was raised on, “if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all.” Stepping back and seeing that my silent treatment is really just driving a wedge between me and the other person was just the wake up call I needed. Fantastic article. I’m new to your emails, this was actually my first one. I’m excited to see what’s to come from future emails from you both. Again thank you. I’m so happy for your mindful advice.

By: Susan Foster Hayo

Susan Foster Hayo — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 13:23:50 +0000

Great list. I enjoy your lists. I have seen these principles in spiritual literature. I agree with every point. Great synthesis of these common relationship problems and their solutions.

By: JJ

JJ — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 13:05:32 +0000

Thank you for this essay. Lots to consider at the end of this year. Also, I keep the following next to my phone:

Before speaking, ask yourself to THINK:

Is it Thoughtful?

Is it Honest?

Is it Intelligent?

Is it Necessary?

Is it Kind?

By: Diana Everett

Diana Everett — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 13:02:20 +0000

In reply to Gilly.

That person–and everyone else–need to learn the fine art of silencing their phone.

I am retired and phone is silenced, including ALL notifications, by default. If expecting a call, turn on the sound. Texts and unanticipated calls are answered when I get around to them.

Life is peaceful and it’s easy to engage with in-person conversation.

Believe a lot of folks like all these notifications because they feel important, but they fail to acknowledge it’s just trivia distracting them from real life.

By: Maureen

Maureen — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 12:27:22 +0000

When you choose it, you accept some responsibility for it. Whether you realize and like it or not. THIS IS HUGE FOR ME. So many times I’ve decided I want or need something, without giving it much thought. Then I have to deal with the repercussions of my impulsive actions. Thanks much for today’s big wakeup call.

By: Camala M Winters

Camala M Winters — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 12:16:17 +0000

In reply to Gilly.

Love this article!
It reflects on all relationships — family, marriage, partners, grown kids, younger kids, parents, friends….
Thank you!

By: Gilly

Gilly — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 12:03:01 +0000

Great reminders here. They all make sense and I agree with them. One thing that truly irritates and disappoints me is where someone I am with constantly answers every trivial text or message they get on their mobile. We can be in the middle of a lovely meal, conversation or situation, but the minute his mobile tinkles he responds. Ok, if he was a high flying exec dealing with business I would totally understand, but we are two retired friends living a carefree life by the sea. I have asked him to give quality time to the moment and wait to answer a non important text, but it’s a daily request!

By: K

Wed, 13 Dec 2023 11:41:53 +0000

I’ve been guilty of nearly all you mentioned. But as you get older you become more aware of these faults and do something about it. I went through a phase for some reason where I would talk over people over the phone and even face to face. How irritating is that? Thankfully someone pulled me up about it. Now I feel I’m a good listener who doesn’t interrupt and doesn’t talk over neither.

Conversation is a two way street… or at least should be. But at times you can’t get a word in.

By: Beth W

Beth W — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 11:37:44 +0000

I told someone just yesterday how it used to drive me up the wall when my sister would be eating while talking to me on the phone! So that’s one more to add to this helpful list of reminders.

By: Drew

Drew — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 11:01:58 +0000

I was doing #1, #2, and #5 throughout my life up to a year ago. I’m glad to say that I’m a chang(ing) man

It’s funny that now it’s the other way around; I was this type of person before and now I’m able to pick up these traits from other people.

By: Julie Ann

Julie Ann — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 10:37:12 +0000

Every point here resonates in some way. I would also add being a know-it-all. It’s great to share your knowledge, but if it doesn’t enhance the conversation, does it really need to be said? I know people who are ALWAYS right about EVERYTHING (even when they’re flat-out wrong). Everyone else is ALWAYS wrong, and they refuse to even entertain the idea that someone else might know as much (or more) than they do. It’s incredibly off-putting.

By: Grayson

Grayson — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 10:22:21 +0000

Great stuff here! The one seems to be pretty common these days. There’s a person who never responds to my texts (whether alone or as part of a friend-group text) and I get the feeling it’s a passive-aggressive way of showing they don’t respect or like me much. I guess I could be taking it too personally.

Along those lines, a social habit that bugs me is when a so-called friend or relative never bothers to initiate contact with you, but just waits to be called or invited out all the time. It puts the responsibility of the relationship in the hands of the other person. I like the way you suggest in this post that this is how people teach you how to live without them!