Comments on: One Thing Unhappy People Refuse to Do for Themselves

By: Bethany

Bethany — Thu, 04 Feb 2016 06:02:45 +0000

It was a battle. I had fallen into self defeating thoughts. Beating myself up. Over a simple message I received a few days ago, it’s content burning a hole in my head. I tried to ignore it, laugh it off. I recognized I was spiralling down. Blaming myself. “I’m just overreacting, blowing things out if proportion, like I always do,” “what is wrong with me!?”,”I’ll hurt their feelings and make them feel like they’ve done something wrong”, “just don’t say anything, it’s your own fault for taking it that way anyway, it’s probably nothing.”…
Today I decided to choose me.
Today in a what would seem to many a small action, I stood up for myself. I explained how I felt, and simply asked someone to clarify. After I sent the message, I even had to fight and stand my ground with my thoughts, they were trying to make myself feel guilty for sending a response.
Didn’t matter if I said some of the words wrong, or might’ve made them feel a certain way with my response, I felt I did what was best for me.
After reading this article, it made me realize the internal painful mountain I had climbed. How much progress I had made, even in something so small. I am proud of myself. I’m ready to look in the mirror, and finally say, I love you and I’m going to prove it! One step at a time 🙂

By: Jaimee

Jaimee — Sun, 13 Dec 2015 05:30:38 +0000

Reading this, I felt you were describing and talking directly to me. I have been shrinking myself to fit other people’s needs for most of my life and have been working to try to find and stand up for myself. Sometimes much easier said than done and have days that are better than others. But, I am not giving up!

By: yulia

yulia — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 03:37:20 +0000

In reply to Paige. Keep your hope alive.

By: Bernie

Bernie — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 14:46:45 +0000

In reply to Paige.

Paige,

I know exactly what you are going through. My partner has gone through the same situation, seizures occurred out of the blue, accidents (multiple times), hospitals numerous times… etc… Its tough, and its been ongoing for a dozen years or so…. Early on she went through some tough times until she decided it wasn’t going to stop her dreams… She is now an accomplished mountaineer and adventure seeker, mother, wife and a person with epilepsy. She has done more with her life than most anyone I know, maybe directly because of this illness, then she may have done otherwise… I’m inspired by here and hopefully you will be as well.

By: Paige

Paige — Sun, 29 Nov 2015 20:35:17 +0000

I just recently turned 40 and I’m completely lost or empty or just simply existing. Just three short years ago I was always going somewhere, taking selfies, just felt so good because I never looked that good. I had lost a lot of weight, after being overweight my whole life. As I was driving home one day I was sitting at an intersection waiting for the light to change and I had a seizure. I hit oncoming traffic head-on. When I woke up in the hospital I had two broken legs and underwent five surgeries. They didn’t know if I would walk again. Thankfully I was the only one hurt. After much therapy and determination I finally walked 9 months later at my daughters graduation. But, I was mad, I was mad at God for letting me live. I will never be the same. I can’t go to the store and walk around like other people do. So I stay home. I hate leaving my house. I disappointing people because I’ve come such a long way. I can’t remember the last time I laughed or smiled. My husband used to be so patient with me now I feel like a burden. I just ordered your book and I read and print your e-mails. You are my last hope…

By: Ret

Ret — Fri, 27 Nov 2015 22:31:10 +0000

You know, i’ve spent years in therapists offices. And there has been times that was needed. But the older I get the more I realised that largely I just didn’t have good people around me to guide me and pass on life wisdom like this. I’m getting so much out of your site, I wish I found it years ago. But no – screw that – no regrets. Life is now. And I feel like i’ve come across it now because i’m READY to hear it now. I’ve been a mess for years and recently hit rock bottom. But you know what I realised? The thing I feared the most happened. And yet i’m ok! I can’t explain it but I feel like the only way is up and i’m inspired. Thank you. (And there’s nothing like hitting bottom to finally start getting that it’s not worth worrying what people think of you. What matters now is what I think of myself)

By: Marc Chernoff

Marc Chernoff — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 18:41:42 +0000

In reply to Rose Costas. You're welcome, Rose. Thank you for the continued support.

By: Marc Chernoff

Marc Chernoff — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 18:37:32 +0000

In reply to Mara. Mara, I'm glad you resonated with that quote. I love how one small quotation can have such a profound impact on a person. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. And, Pat, it's inspiring to hear that you're working through these old liming beliefs and making progress.

By: Marc Chernoff

Marc Chernoff — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 18:34:11 +0000

In reply to Christine. Beautiful reminders, Christine! Thank you for the kindness.

By: Tim

Tim — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 15:49:25 +0000

Marc- one of the best and most timely messages you have sent since I began following you and Angel. Thank you. I really needed to hear this today.

Tim

By: caroline

caroline — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 15:09:49 +0000

Thank you so much again for your emails they really do help at times I need to hear things like this ?

By: Reetu

Reetu — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 09:08:12 +0000

Hello Mark and Angel!
Thank you for the beautiful article.
I like the quote “Heal yourself by refusing to shrink!” I have written it in post-it note and glued to my working table.
Would you mind helping me out to get clear idea on “How would I know if I love myself or not?”

Thank you

By: J.D. Meier

J.D. Meier — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 03:17:26 +0000

> there’s a big difference between experiencing bouts of unhappiness and living a habitually unhappy life
Well put!

I found that if I change my physiology, I change my results.

If I catch myself falling into a slump, or sliding into the unhappiness habit, I remember what it feels like to feel strong, or to feel full of zest, or what it feels like to feel fully alive.

And simply by trying to “remember the feeling”, I snap myself into a better disposition.

By: sarah

sarah — Tue, 24 Nov 2015 16:49:58 +0000

this past summer I walked out on my religion. for the past five years I started doubting a few things but kept going. I did it so I wouldn’t disappoint my family and friends. and maybe my faith would grow strong again. It didn’t, I became angry, sad, and depressed. I developed a toxic attitude and behaviors. all my life I followed this path until now.

now I’m so glad that I left. my life is not perfect, but I had to leave to figure things out. I lost a lot of friends and disappointed my family. my family at least talks to me, while most of my former friends don’t. the only thing left is a bit of guilt that bugging me. but I know that it will pass. thank you guys for all the help you’ve given me.

By: diana

diana — Tue, 24 Nov 2015 13:54:01 +0000

at the age of 61 I find myself trapped in a loveless marriage for financial reasons. When one sees no way out, and trust me I would be homeless if I left, one must become a philosopher so I’m working on it. Young people, please be careful who you choose to spend your life with and heed any inner warnings. Otherwise you find that you throw pieces of your life away and no amount of positing thinking can get you out of it.

By: Gary

Gary — Tue, 24 Nov 2015 03:02:37 +0000

So true and fascinating how we choose to be our own worst enemies rather than own best friend. For me, your blogs always are spot on.

This one speaks to my heart. True happiness is the one journey that we choose and can’t afford not to take. Thank you for the valuable road map.

By: Connie

Connie — Tue, 24 Nov 2015 02:56:02 +0000

I needed to hear this today! Living my own truth has been something I have been working toward since I first started reading self-help books about 20 years ago. I have struggled attempting to fit the mold that someone else had designed for me, remaining silent to “keep peace within the family”. Just recently, I reached my limit with the bully’ish behavior and spoke out against a family member and since have been pushed aside by the family members who have created an unholy alliance with him. On one hand, I am hurt by this, but on the other, I am liberated. They were all hyper-critical and I learned early-on in the relationship that I would never be able to please them-though I tried to do what I could to keep the criticism at a minimum. No more! My favorite part of the above is: “It’s not your job to change who you are in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being.” I am a good person, worthy of love and respect. Finally, I choose me. I refuse to “shrink” simply because someone else needs to feel bigger by making sure everyone else around them is small.

Thank you a million times for this message today! Happy Thanksgiving to both of you!

By: Kennedyj

Kennedyj — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 22:35:28 +0000

Thanks Marc and Angel for another eye opening message! I have decided to date myself for the next year and to work towards being my best friend. So far I have to admit we’re very happy (lol) but recently some loneliness too.

For me a huge component to self care is to stay connected to others. I’m working on growing my social group as I’m a new empty nester. I get massages, journal every day, workout daily, eat lots of kale and chase as many sunsets as I can. Dating myself is liberating and I feel peaceful and grateful.

Thanks for another incredible message!

By: Rachael

Rachael — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 22:17:14 +0000

Uhhh…boy talk about impeccable timing. Really baled on your life coach program. Even though it is the only thing sitting next to my computer. Reading this was the smack across the back of the head I needed. I follow suit on a couple of things….OK, let’s get honest almost everything you wrote on this. I just just started a good job making more money than I ever have. Still living on the land in my 5th wheel with the horses. It is a good life and it is a hard life. But non of that will matter if I don’t get back on track. I think for me not following through is anxiety based. And a lot of this is habitual. I believe that is why I stopped the life coaching…fear. I keep reminding myself that I made my parents trauma, my truth. And I shrunk myself behind that false truth. They had been thru some horrific events in their life and used alcohol to medicate. You can imagine the cycle that started.. Why keep that legacy going? I think you both are awesome. I will pick the course back up humbly but with a renewed sense. Thank you.

By: Alice Cummings

Alice Cummings — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 20:29:33 +0000

How do you know what is right and wrong self care when you have learnt not to listen to your body to please the inner voice saying you are selfish to do such and such?