There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

Deep down you know this is true.

You have to do hard things to be happy in life.  The things most people are avoiding.  The things that frighten you and make you uncomfortable.  The things others can’t do for you.  The things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward.

Why?

Because those are the things that ultimately define you.  Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living – between knowing the path and walking the path – between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.

Of course, the hard things are (more…)

As Angel and I watched a rerun of the Academy Awards last night, we both noticed an obvious commonality between many of the speeches the winners on stage made when they accepted their awards.  If you stripped the details out of each speech, 90% of them boiled down to:

“I am so thankful.  My whole life has been leading up to this moment.”

The most interesting thing about this sentiment, in my opinion, is that regardless of a human being’s social status, wealth, age, or unique situation, their whole life has undoubtedly been leading up to every present moment of their life.  Think about that for a second.  This reality might seem more significant on stage at a high-stakes awards ceremony, but it’s equally significant to all of us.  Every single thing you’ve gone through in life – every high, every low, and everything in between – has all led you to the moment you’re experiencing right now.

This means that you are exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go.  It’s just a matter of taking one new step in the right direction, and another, and another.

So, never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are right now.  You aren’t.

Things can change if you want them to, at any age.  Life changes every single moment, and so can YOU!

The key is to embrace these powerful realities and not procrastinate…

Think about a change you want to make in your life, or a goal you want to achieve.

Then watch this quick video Angel and I recorded for you, and let us ask a simple yet powerful question that just might change your perspective about everything… (more…)

Like many people, Angel and I spent years struggling to make even the slightest bit of progress on the goals we had set for ourselves.

We started new workout programs with incredible optimism at least a couple dozen times.  We threw away all the junk food in our house more times than I can even remember.  We tried waking up earlier, meditating, reading more often, writing a book, getting out of debt, running a business, and more…

But, for the longest time, we failed on all fronts.

We’d get started with a new goal, and then we’d get derailed.

And boy did we feel horrible!

We often felt like losers … like no matter how hard we tried, our goals were out of reach!  And we’d berate ourselves constantly for not being stronger, smarter, and more disciplined.

But what Angel and I didn’t realize, until we started successfully achieving our goals a few years later, is that it was never a matter of us not having enough strength, intelligence, or discipline.  It was a matter of us focusing on our goals in an ineffective way.

In fact, believe it or not, we were actually focusing on our goals too much.

Yes, you read that right.  It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s the truth. (more…)

“I’m drained and so very tired of all the anxiety, negativity and stress.  Too often my mind is consumed with unforgiving thoughts, and every muscle in my body is full of tension.  It hurts.  I don’t want to feel this way anymore.  I don’t want to feel like I live in a whirlwind of constant exhaustion.  I don’t want to just ‘get by’ day to day…”

Those are the opening lines right out of a Zoom chat session I had last night with a long-time reader and new course student of ours.  I’m sharing this with you today (with our student’s permission) because, in somewhat different words, I’ve literally heard this same message from hundreds of course students, coaching clients, conference attendees, and readers over the past decade.

Can you relate?  To an extent, I bet you can.  Sometimes life brings even the best of us down to our knees.

I’ve fallen into a deep trench of despair in my life more than once.  Looking back on these trying times, when I was struggling to get back on my feet, I now appreciate just how powerful our minds can be.  They can bring us down even further or lift us up at a moment’s notice.  How we think about things, changes everything!

Whenever I’m coaching someone who’s struggling in the trenches, I gracefully shift their focus from what they don’t want to what they DO want.  I remind them that what you focus on grows stronger in your life, and that the best time to focus on the positive and take responsibility for your happiness is when you don’t feel like it.  Because that’s when doing so can make the biggest difference.

It’s about thinking better so you can ultimately live better.

The key is to understand that no matter what happens, you can choose your attitude and actions, which dictates pretty much everything that happens next.  Truly, the greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose our response – to train our minds to make the best of what we’ve got, even when it’s less than we expected.

But how exactly can you adjust your response, and keep your attitude and actions positive, in the heat of the moment?  Let’s take a look at a few strategies that work… (more…)

“There’s a vivid, beautiful, priceless piece of art hanging right in front of you.  It’s sophisticated and detailed – a painstaking labor of deep devotion and love.  The colors and textures are like no other – they soar and dip, they shine bright and leap right out at you!  And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the tiny, dark housefly that has landed on the edge this masterpiece.  Why would you choose to do such a thing?”

She cracked a half smile in my direction and then shifted her gaze down to the ground.

“Look,” I said, “the point here is that there’s no possible way to be 100% certain about anything in this world.  Life, like good art, is sophisticated, complex and unpredictable.  So you’re left with a choice: either appreciate it and look for the beauty in it, or focus on the worst and dwell on it.”

But if you expect the worst, you’re never disappointed,” she said under her breath.

“Yeah, but who really lives like that?” I replied.  “No one – that’s who!  People die slowly every day like that, without ever (more…)

Over the years, through our coaching practice, Getting Back to Happy course, and live events, Marc and I have worked with thousands of individuals and couples looking to fix their failing relationships, and we’ve learned a lot about what it takes to make this happen.

Whether you’re working to fix your marriage, a dating relationship, or a friendship, there are lots of little things you can do to keep your relationship on track.  And since we’ve recently covered many of these healthy relationship strategies on our blog, today we’re going to take a quick look at the flip-side – the most common toxic behaviors that tear relationships apart.

Truth be told, most failing and failed relationships suffer from the same four basic behavioral issues… (more…)

Happiness is in the mind, not in outside events and circumstances.  Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negative thinking.

There is an opportunity in every difficult situation to understand yourself more deeply, and also to improve your life.

I encourage you to reflect on recent situations where you’ve felt let down – where life’s outcomes were nowhere near as good as you expected.  Rather than focusing on the uncontrollable things that were “done to you,” consider instead your part in what went down.  For example, perhaps your gut told you not to do something, but you did so anyway.  Or maybe you were deceived a second time by the same person, and wish you had let go of the relationship sooner.  Or perhaps you just weren’t paying attention and ended up missing out on a great opportunity.

It’s so easy to be negative when things go wrong, or blame others for negative outcomes in your life.  But do negativity and blame change anything for the better?

Nope!

Truth be told, the best time to be positive and take responsibility for your happiness is when you don’t feel like it.  Because that’s when doing so can make the biggest difference.

No matter what the specifics of your troubled times are, (more…)

Life doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.

One of the best strategies to being emotionally stronger is to give ourselves the love and care we catch ourselves dreaming about receiving from others.  I know this, because I learned this lesson the hard way.

There was a point in my life when I felt lousy about my appearance – I was insecure to say the least – and I saw myself as too flabby, too weak, too this, and too that.  Yet I fantasized about other people seeing me as an extraordinary individual worthy of being loved and cared for as I am.

It’s a bit silly, isn’t it, that I would dream of others offering me the emotional support I was directly withholding from myself?  When I realized this, I made a change.

This was a turning point in my life when the age-old saying “You cannot truly love anyone if you are unable to love yourself first” suddenly made vivid sense to me.  And I also flipped it around on myself too: “Do not expect to receive any specific kind of love and care from someone else that you do not first give to yourself.”

But a question remained in my mind:  How?

How can I begin to love and care for myself more?  How can I gradually and consistently build more self-love and self-care into my life?

After lots of trial and error, and guidance from those wiser than me, I began two powerful rituals that gradually changed everything…

In the (more…)

Take a deep breath.  Nothing is as hectic as it seems.  Nothing is worth weakening your health.  Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety and despair.

The mind can go either direction under stress – toward the positive or toward the negative: on or off.  Think of it as a binary spectrum, where the opposite ends are unconsciousness at the negative end and presence at the positive end.  The way the mind will lean under stress is strongly influenced by emotional strength and training.

Over the years, Marc and I have come across, studied and tested dozens of strategies that successful people employ when faced with stress, but in today’s video blog we want to tell you about six of the most effective strategies we’ve seen in action.  A couple of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them, and having the discipline to actually do so in spite of your stress.  Let’s take a look…

Video Blog Post:

Stress-Reducing Rituals (video transcript overview):

The ability to manage stress when you’re under pressure directly affects your overall performance in all walks of life.  In fact, several scientific studies over the years have found that successful people, in various fields of study, are highly skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.

There’s actually new research (more…)

The reality we have created is a process of our thinking. We can’t change anything if we can’t change our thoughts.

Sometimes changing your life situation isn’t possible – or simply not possible soon enough.  You can’t restructure your entire lifestyle in an instant.  You can’t make someone else change against his or her will.  And you certainly can’t erase the past.  So what choices do you have left?

Change your perception, belief or opinion about your life situation.  Doing so will help you change your attitude and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the problems and barriers you can’t immediately control.  This, of course, takes practice, which is precisely why we’re co-hosting a live training event titled “Think Better, Live Better 2020” – to guide you step-by-step through mental strength training exercises that make real progress possible, even in the face of unchangeable adversity.

Let’s be honest, we all get stuck with some bad habits that we emotionally default to when we’re not mindfully focused on the right things.  Bad habits like people pleasing, reacting with a victim mentality, succumbing to needless worry, spending time with toxic people, or indulging in (more…)

Make today count – at the end of it, let there be no explanations, no excuses and no regrets.

When we think about walking with the dreamers, the believers, the creative types, the planners, the doers, the remarkably successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground, we get excited.  We want to jump on their bandwagon, join the party and hoot and holler!  We let their spirit ignite a fire within us to leave this world better than when we found it.

And that’s great!

But what we often neglect, at least initially, is the fact that these “successful” people have been working hard and quietly, often for long, tedious periods of time, to achieve what others eventually interpret as remarkable work.

The truth is, the result of remarkable success is pretty noisy – lots of people noticing, talking, and sharing stories about it.  The actual process of achieving remarkable success, on the other hand, is far more discreet (and underappreciated).  But it’s this gradual process that happens quietly, behind-the-scenes, that makes all the difference in the world.

The Quiet Rituals Interview

People have said that Angel and I are remarkably successful at what we do.  Forbes interviewed me recently and classified our blog as (more…)

The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

If you ask me what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, attachment and other stressful complications.  And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it anyway.  😉

Stress is a major problem for many people – a hectic, stressful work environment, a chaotic home life, unpaid bills to worry about, and harmful habits such as unhealthy eating and lack of exercise can lead to a mountain of endless stress.

If your life is full of stressful complications, like mine once was, there are some simple things you can start doing to get your life to a more peaceful and mindful level.

Now, your life will likely never be 100% stress-free – I don’t even think that’s desirable, even if it’s possible, because some stress, at a sensible level, positively challenges us and helps us grow.  But when stress gets out of control it creates a foundation of unhappiness and unhealthiness.

How do you learn to be mindful of your negative thoughts so you can turn things around?  Simple: you practice.  And how do you practice mindfulness of your thoughts?  That’s exactly what the recorded webinar below will help you do.

Last week we teamed up with the founder of SimpleREV, Joel Zaslofsky, to record this webinar just for you.  It’s about an hour long, but I highly recommend you create time to watch it.  Here’s what we cover:

• How to turn your thoughts from a random obstacle course into an intentional landscape.
• How to stop your mind from habitually abusing your spirit.
• Why self-compassion isn’t optional (assuming you want to be healthy and productive).
• The only two steps you need to simplify anything in your life. (more…)

“Happiness is not a goal; it’s the by-product of a life well lived.”
?Eleanor Roosevelt

We all make mistakes in life, but the people who learn and grow from their mistakes are the happiest ones in the end.

And that’s precisely what we discuss in today’s video…

Video Blog Post:

10 Things Happy People Never Do Again (video transcript):

Life is change.  Everyone has gone through something that has changed them in a way that prevents them from being the same person they once were.  But as my grandmother always told me, this is a very good thing.  As long as you keep learning and stretching yourself, change is growth.

Sometimes you have to accept the fact that things will never go back to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.

Over the past decade, Angel and I have helped thousands of coaching clients and blog subscribers (subscribe here) get their lives back on track.  In the process of doing so, we have discovered that the people who have the greatest potential for renewed happiness seem to have specific “aha” moments that totally change the trajectory of their thoughts and behaviors.  Once this “aha” light bulb goes off in their minds, they awaken to a new reality that motivates them to never go back to their old way of doing things.

In short, these “aha” moments mean they got it.  Whatever it was they were doing or thinking that was holding them back, is now a lesson learned and a thing of the past.

Although life has many important lessons to teach us, Angel and I have observed and studied ten specific gateways – or “aha’s” – of learning that the happiest people go through, never to return again.

Happy people never again…

1. Try to be anyone other than who they are. – In everything you do, you must ask, “Why am I doing this?  Is this helping me grow?  Does it represent who I am and who I hope to become?”  Truth be told, trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are.  Be yourself.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. (more…)

“When things go wrong, don’t go with them.”
?Elvis Presley

Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak or wrong in any way.  Sometimes it simply means you’re strong enough and smart enough to let go and move forward with your life.

And that’s precisely what we discuss in today’s video blog…

Video Blog Post:

Give Up to Move Forward (video transcript):

1.  First and foremost, give up the excuses you keep reciting to yourself.

Because all the excuses and explanations in the world won’t do you any good.  They won’t add any value to your life or improve the quality of it by even the slightest margin.  To fulfill your calling and get where you wish to go in life requires more than just thinking and talking.  These feats require focused and sustained action.  And the good news is, you’re perfectly capable of taking whatever action is necessary.  You just have to choose to actually do it.

No one else can succeed for you on your behalf.  The life you live is the life you build for yourself.  There are so many possibilities to choose from, and so many opportunities for you to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.  Now is the moment to actually step forward.

Sooner or later, one way or the other, you will come to realize that it’s not what you lose along the way that counts; it’s what you do with what you still have.  When you let go of the past, forgive what needs forgiving, and move forward, you in no way change the past, you change the future. (more…)

When you don’t ask sincere questions and talk it out, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up never getting said.

Video Blog Post:

6 Questions (video transcript):

“Hey, what’s going on?” Marc asked.

“Not much,” I said.  “And how was your day?”

“It was OK,” Marc said…

And just like that our conversation would be over.  For the longest time, this is exactly how Marc and I initiated conversations with each other at the end of long workdays.

Sure, we greeted each other and asked a couple questions, but they weren’t the right questions.  They were meaningless inquires that were stale and thoughtless.  And, not surprisingly, our conversations went nowhere.  Which, in time, ended up hurting our relationship.

Thankfully, before it was too late, we learned to communicate more effectively.  We learned that if we really wanted to deepen our relationship – if we really cared to know what’s going on in each other’s heads and hearts – we needed to ask better questions, and then really listen to each other’s answers.

Specifically, we learned that we needed to ask questions that carry this fundamental message:  “I’m not just checking the box here.  I’m asking you because I really care how you feel and what you have to say.  I really want to know YOU.”

So today, we want to help you ask questions that will save your relationships (more…)

You will never achieve what you are capable of if you are
too attached to the things you’re supposed to let go of.

Many people believe holding on and hanging in there, infinitely, are signs of incredible strength.  But there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go, and then to actually do it.

In today’s video blog post we’re going to take a look at some signs it might be time to let go.

Video Blog Post:

Signs it’s Time to Let Go (video transcript):

1.  Someone constantly expects you to be someone you’re not.

A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences.  So be cordial, but don’t completely change who you are for someone else simply because it’s what THEY want, or because it’s what THEY think is best for you.

If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back.  It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else.  It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where somebody else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be. (more…)

Throughout your life, there will be times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart.  So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.

The wisest and happiest among us are those who are respectful of their time, and who use it productively to grow as they age.  Sadly though, far too many of us age much faster than we grow.  We spend so much of our lives going through the external motions of what society tells us “maturity” is – getting married, buying a house, working our way up the corporate ladder, etc. – that we fail to concentrate on our own inner growth and goals.  We never allocate enough time just for us.

Part of the problem is that we’re always waiting for some condition to resolve itself at some point in the future.  We believe that the right time to take the next step with our own personal development is somehow going to magically happen tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and so on.  But one day we wake up and realize we’re no closer than we were long ago.  We find ourselves asking, “How did it get so late, and why haven’t I moved?”  In other words, we’ve aged, but we never grew to our true potential.  We never fulfilled ourselves.

Let this be your wake-up call.  Right now is LIFE.  Indulge in it!  Make it count.  Because it’s happening…

And that’s precisely why we recorded today’s video for you – to help you make the most of it.

Video Blog Post:

4 Ways to LIVE Today (video transcript):

Reminder:  Have you checked out our book?  We just released a limited time bundle for “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently” which includes our eBook, audio book and bonus material on sale for a big discount.  Click here to check it out!

1.  Invest the present in what matters most to you.

You are the customer of a bank called Time.  Every morning it credits you with eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds.  Every night it writes off, as a loss, whatever remainder you have failed to invest to good purpose.  It carries over no balance.  It allows no overdraft. (more…)

This one is for YOU…

The 4 Truths (video transcript):

Reminder:  We just released the Audio Book for 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.  And we also have a limited time bundle of our eBook, audio book and bonus material on sale for a big discount.  Click here to check it out!

1.  You have many reasons to smile.

I want you to know that life is not always easy.  Every day can be an unpredictable challenge.  Some days it can be difficult just to get out of bed in the morning, to face reality and put on that smile.  But I want you to know that your smile has kept Angel and I going on more days than I can count.  Never forget that, even when times get tough, as they sometimes will, you are incredible, you really are.

So please smile more often.  You have so many reasons to.  Time and time again, our reason is you.

2.  We are all in this together.

You won’t always be perfect and neither will we.  Because nobody is perfect, and (more…)

1. Life and Music
Life Lesson: Don’t sacrifice your life for someone else’s idea of success.

2. Commencement Address by Steve Jobs
Life Lesson: Find what you love, trust in your instincts, and follow your heart.

3. Ninja Almost Defeated by a Bug
Life Lesson: Change your thoughts to change your world.

(more…)

I have posted a short Wall Street Journal summary clip followed by the lecture in its entirety.  Watch the whole lecture when you have a chance.  I promise that it is well worth your time.